A Leap Of Faith
by Lizzie9
Summary: True love never really goes away. She ran from it five years ago, but now she crashed into him again. Both faced with the open wounds that tore them apart the first time, they're still broken. Will her leap of faith and love be enough? MerDer
1. Chapter 1

**Title: A Leap Of Faith**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: It would be nice to own grey's anatomy, sadly all we own are a lot of high priced shoes and handbags, and both seasons on dvd.**

**Summary: AU. Meredith leaves Seattle the night that Addison comes. Five years later, she's standing at the back of the church, about to marry another man, when she admits to herself that she's still very much in love with Derek Shepherd. So she heads back to Seattle, and finds a very broken Derek. Will they be able to heal each other, or is it too late?**

**Author's Note: We know, we know. We haven't updated anything in about 29 years, but we absolutely could not get this out of our heads. We will be updating everything, but we hope you like this. **

**REVIEW**

_Just when I thought I had forgotten, you came back soft, without a sound._

She was frozen. Standing in the back of this huge church, looking up at the stained glass windows, she couldn't move. She was zipped into the white strapless dress Cristina had flown out to help her buy one weekend. She was carrying flowers selected by her future mother in law. Her hair fell in brown curls around her slim shoulders; that was Izzie's handiwork.

Her friends were all here. Cristina and Burke. Izzie and Denny. George and Olivia. Alex and Jillian, the woman he'd pulled a pillar off of in a ferry crash, Meredith recounted, almost smiling as she picture them, holding hands and telling the tale. She shook her head and looked down the aisle at the man to whom she was about to pledge herself for all eternity. She should have been happy, but Meredith was frozen.

Her heart was racing, her palms were sweaty, the room was spinning. Next to her, George looked at her expectantly. But all Meredith could hear was something Derek Shepherd had said to her five years ago. _The rest you just have to take on faith_. She turned to George, wide eyed and panicked. Her purse, her phone, and her luggage for the honeymoon were all in her Jeep, just outside.

She felt George press something hard and metal into her shaking hands. She glanced down to find the keys to her car. She had an out now. From her seat in the first pew, Cristina nudged Burke. "She's going to run." She whispered. Burke rolled his eyes.

"Do you have any idea how long it took you to take the first step down the aisle at our wedding?" It was Cristina's turn to be exasperated.

"Totally different." She hissed over the organ. "I wanted to marry you. I wasn't standing back there in a cold panic, in love with someone else."

From her position at the opposite end of the sanctuary, Meredith looked down the aisle again to where Jack Pierre, son of a Philadelphia restaurant mogul was staring at her. She was going to marry Jack. She had to walk down that aisle.

_The rest you just have to take on faith._ Her breath started coming in short, uneven puffs. She looked at George again, and opened her mouth, letting the words tumble from her lips. "Derek." There. She had said it. Out loud. On her wedding day. She was still in love with Derek Shepherd. Casting one last look back into the church full of people all staring at her, the feeling suddenly came back into her legs.

So Meredith Grey turned and ran.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: A Leap Of Faith **

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie **

**Rating: T for language, mild sex **

**Disclaimer: It would be nice to own grey's anatomy, sadly all we own are a lot of high priced shoes and handbags, and both seasons on dvd. **

**Summary: AU. Meredith leaves Seattle the night that Addison comes. Five years later, she's standing at the back of the church, about to marry another man, when she admits to herself that she's still very much in love with Derek Shepherd. So she heads back to Seattle, and finds a very broken Derek. Will they be able to heal each other, or is it too late? **

**Author's Note: Oh good God. So we had this written a long time ago. But we kept getting that error message. And then, our savior, Morgen86, wasn't even mad when stalked her all the way to LiveJournal. And good soul that she is, she taught us how to update despite fanfiction SUCKING. (Kidding). **

**So anyway, Mer is back. And she's kissing someone (wonder who) but she's also freaking out. So...**

**REVIEW.**

_I still recognize her after all these years, well she still looks the same. –Joe Purdy_

**5 Years Ago **

_"I'm Addison Shepherd. You must be the woman who's screwing my husband." Time stopped for Meredith as she stared at the gorgeous woman in front of her. Addison Shepherd. Derek's wife. Derek had a wife. She looked at him, her eyes wide with shock, and in his glance, filled with guilt and pity, she knew it was true. She turned on her heel and ran outside the hospital into the cold and soaking rain. _

_Derek followed her, leaving his wife behind. "Meredith, wait!" he called. She spun around. _

_"A wife Derek? This is what I was supposed to take on faith? Your wife?" He shook his head. _

_"I'm so sorry." He said. She ignored him as her mind raced. _

_"Do you know what this makes me? What this does? I'm like your mistress, Derek. Jesus." _

_"We were separated. You're not, you're not my mistress, you couldn't be farther from it. Meredith, I'm falling in love with you." _

_She stepped back like he'd slapped her. "Oh, you're falling in love with me? I am in love with you, Derek, okay? And even worse, I thought… I thought that you were it for me, and now you have a wife." _

_He shook his head again. "A wife I'll divorce." _

_Meredith pushed her wet hair out of her face, fighting tears. "You think that's going to make it all okay?" Derek took one of her hands in both of his. _

_"It has to be okay. I was drowning when I got here, and you? You saved me. I need you, Meredith Grey." The tears mixed with rain and it all fell down her face. She pulled her hand from his quickly, like the touch of his skin burned her. _

_"That's not enough." She whispered before turning, and running away.

* * *

_

**Present Day**

Cristina was busy in Meredith's apartment, overlooking Philadelphia's Washington Square. It was a five minute walk from Jefferson Hospital, where Meredith was a neurological resident. But it wasn't Meredith's home. Her best friend was throwing her things into boxes, and the owner of those things was nowhere to be found.

"Are you sure we should just move everything out?" Izzie asked nervously. "What if she's coming back?" Cristina didn't answer; she just continued to methodically pack Meredith's things into cardboard boxes. Denny gently touched Izzie's arm.

"I don't think she's planning on coming back, Iz." He said gently. Olivia shifted her weight and cleared her throat. She was supposed to be a part of the group now, but she still didn't understand them.

"Where do you think she went?" she asked. Alex made a face at her as he wrapped his arm around Jillian.

"Seriously?" he asked, rolling his eyes at Olivia.

"She's going back to Seattle." Cristina snapped. "Back to Shepherd. Burke raised his eyebrows at his wife.

"You don't know that." He said.

"Yes." Cristina said definitively. "Yes, I do know that. Se's been in love with him the whole times. In five years, she has not stopped loving him, or thinking about him."

"She's going to Seattle." George said. All eyes swiveled to him. "Before she ran, she only said one word. Derek." Izzie let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding.

"I guess we'll drive that stuff back to Seattle then."

* * *

It was almost ten when Meredith got to Joe's. It had just stopped raining, and the air was warm and misty. It had taken her a few days to get back to Seattle, but here she was. It was like starting over, and like coming home. She slipped inside and sat at the bar. It was crowded enough so no one really noticed her. She snuck a glance around and was taken aback to see the women she knew as Addison Shepherd sitting at a table very close to some gorgeous guy Meredith didn't recognize.

She nodded to herself, remembering that Addison and Derek had gotten a divorce. She looked up and caught Joe's eye, making a quiet motion by pressing her index finger to her lips. He was in front of her immediately. "Mer!" he hissed. "You're supposed to be married by now." She looked down and shook her head.

"I couldn't do it." She whispered.

"Derek?" Joe guessed. A familiar look of panic set in her eyes as she nodded. Joe pulled out a shot glass, filled it and slid it across the bar. She smiled gratefully and poured it down her throat. "Where's everyone else?" Joe asked.

Meredith shrugged. "If I know them, they're packing all my stuff for me, cause they know I'm not going back to get it." She told him, smiling weakly. She looked down at her hands and back up at Joe. "Does he… does he still come here?"

"Yeah, he does Mer." She sighed.

"Pour me another."

* * *

Derek trudged across the parking lot to the entrance of the Emerald City Bar. She was probable on her honeymoon by now. Lost and gone forever. It was enough to make him want to go to sleep and never wake up. Her friends thought he didn't know why they all had the same week off, but he wasn't stupid. He had been following the coverage of her wedding plans in the Philadelphia Inquirer. Apparently, Jack Pierre was a very eligible bachelor.

Derek opened the door and sank down at the table where Mark and Addison were sitting. He had forgiven them much sooner than he thought he was capable of, but when Meredith left, God knows he needed friends. And all of her friends were too mad at him for hiding his marriage to give him the time of day, so he returned to the people that had been his world for years. It was strange, being on the opposite side. He used to be Addison's husband and Mark was the third wheel all the time, but that had changed entirely.

Addison gave Derek a sympathetic smile as he sat down, his back facing the bar, and then turned her attention back to the dirty blonde woman who was talking to Joe. There was something vaguely familiar about her, something Addison couldn't place. And then it hit her. "Oh my God." She whispered.

"What?" Mark asked, pulling her a little closer by looping his arm around her waist. Addison smiled and shook her head.

"Nothing. I just have a surgery at six tomorrow morning and here I am into the vodka." Derek sighed as Mark started to tease her about what else she could be into. Something about Joe's felt different tonight. He had been here a lot since she left. The scotch didn't hurt. But tonight, something was different. Something made him turn around in his seat.

"Meredith." He said.

"What?" Mark asked.

"Meredith." Derek said louder, rising from his chair. She heard it this time, her name, so she turned around too. Their eyes locked across the bar, and shockwaves traveled down her spine. Looking at him made her feel like she had never left.

"Derek." She said. They stood there, staring at each other, neither moving, each barely breathing. Behind them, Mark and Addison exchanged a wary glance. Finally, Meredith remembered why she'd driven all the way back here. She stepped forward, and putting a hand on Derek's cheek, she leaned in and kissed him. He kissed her back immediately, and they both felt a piece click into place. When she was in danger of ripping his clothes off and jumping him, she pulled back. When she looked into his eyes, and saw the shining back at her, she felt the corners of her lips pull up in a smile. She was finally home.

She looked around and saw everyone staring at them, murmuring, whispering. She remembered everything they had to face. Despite the uphill climb, she smiled at him. And then she turned and ran. Derek stood, rooted to the spot, shocked. "That was Meredith." He said quietly, touching two fingers to his lips. Mark looked at him and rolled his eyes.

"Go!" he finally shouted. Derek looked up at them, and then turned and followed her.

Meredith didn't want to go back to her mother's house, her mother's house that had been sitting there, virtually empty since she had left. It was all paid off, so she didn't need to worry about the mortgage. She hadn't been able to sell it, even after her mother had died. That should have been a sign, she supposed. Unable to go home, she went to Seattle Grace. She drove slowly across the street and pulled into the parking lot, still reeling from her kiss with Derek.

She walked through the doors quickly, her heart beating faster than normally. She smiled to herself again. She was starting over. And she was coming home. She took the elevator up to the surgical wing. It was surprisingly quiet, and there were only a few people milling around. She took a deep breath, not sure why she was here or where to go. She took a few tentative steps towards the nurses station, supposing the person to talk to would be the chief.

"There's a skinny little body I haven't seen in a while." Came a voice behind her. She turned around and smiled at the face of her old resident.

"Dr. Bailey." She said.

"What brings you here, Grey? Aren't you supposed to be married or something? Is that why half the surgical team disappeared to Philadelphia?"

Meredith looked down and shrugged. "I was supposed to get married." She agreed. "But instead, I uh, I'm here." Bailey nodded and sensed that's all she would say for now. "Is, uh, Dr. Webber still here?" she asked. Bailey nodded.

"He should be in his office." Meredith nodded and strode quickly to Dr. Webber's office. Patricia was gone so she walked right up and opened his door.

"Chief." She said, nodding. He looked up, surprised.

"Meredith." He said.

"I was, uh, wondering, if you would approve my transfer from Jefferson. Back to Seattle Grace." He opened his mouth, and she shook her head. "Please don't ask me about why I'm supposed to be married, in France on my honeymoon. Or why I'm here instead. Or why I just kissed Derek in the middle of a bar, because, really, I don't know. I don't know why I'm doing this to myself, to anyone, really chief; I don't know anything right now. So please just tell me that you'll approve the transfer."

He nodded. "Good to have you back, Dr. Grey." She smiled and blinked rapidly. She turned and headed for the door. "Welcome home Meredith." He said.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: A Leap Of Faith**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: It would be nice to own grey's anatomy, sadly all we own are a lot of high priced shoes and handbags, and both seasons on dvd.**

**Summary: AU. Meredith leaves Seattle the night that Addison comes. Five years later, she's standing at the back of the church, about to marry another man, when she admits to herself that she's still very much in love with Derek Shepherd. So she heads back to Seattle, and finds a very broken Derek. Will they be able to heal each other, or is it too late?**

**Author's Note: Welcome to the next chapter. So Meredith kissed Derek, and Derek kissed back. But neither of them are too clear in the head right now. Meredith's confused, but she has all of this energy because she finally knows some things about herself, and Derek is kind of dark an twisty these days. So he's going to get mad. **

**We hope you like it. Are email alerts working? **

**REVIEW?**

_You are the only thing that makes sense; just ignore all this present tense. –Snow Patrol _

**5 Years Ago**

_The lobby of Seattle Grace was suffocating her. Derek, her husband, the man she had promised to love for better or worse had left her inside these mundane and nondescript walls to run after a skinny blonde girl who couldn't be more than twenty seven. Addison drew in a breath and walked outside, searching for her husband. _

_She found him, sitting on a bench in the rain, staring out into the parking lot. His eyes were red rimmed and his shoulders were still shaking slightly. She sat down next to him, feeling a growing fear in the pit of her stomach. "Derek?" she asked tentatively. He sighed and put his head in his hands, too lost to even be angry with her anymore. She sat and waited for him to say something. He finally lifted his head from his hands. _

"_She left." He said simply. "She left and I don't think she's going to come back." Addison drew in a breath to say something, but he shook his head. "She means the world to me, so don't try to say it's a good thing." _

_She turned her head sharply toward him, suddenly unconcerned with the fact that the rain was ruining her curls, destroying her Prada and wreaking havoc on her makeup. She was no longer concerned with any of that. What she was concerned with was the fact that her husband was slipping through her fingers. "Derek are you… I mean, do you?" He didn't say anything. It hit her like a ton of bricks that he had caught her in bed with his best friend and he had walked away, and left calmly, but this woman leaves him in a parking lot and he was crying. "Derek tell me you're not in love with her." _

_He couldn't deny it, but it was too little, too late. "I am." He breathed. "I'm completely in love with her. And it's not enough anymore." Addison stood up, wide eyed and backed away from him. _

"_Derek, you're scaring me." She said. "What are you saying? I, I came here to work this out." Derek looked up at his wife and shook his head. _

"_Addie, I want to call it what it is. I want a divorce."

* * *

_

**Present Day: Seattle**

It was somewhere past midnight. That was the last thought Meredith gave to the time before she turned the car off and climbed out. Before her were the ferry boats, lit up against the dark water of the Sound. The night air whipped through her hair, and she shivered, not from cold or fear, but from contentment and anticipation.

She knew that she didn't have an easy ride in front of her. She had left in the wake of damage, damage that had festered, un-repaired for five long years. But she was ready to do whatever she had to in order to fix it now. Somehow, she knew she was in the right place again. For reasons she couldn't define, tears slipped down her cheeks.

Not bothering to wipe them away, she sat on a bench, overwhelmed. Thoughts of Jack floated into her mind. He had made sense to her three years ago, or at least she had thought so at the time. In Philadelphia, a different city, three thousand miles away, Jack had made sense. Here, in Seattle, she could see Jack for what he was. A band aid that covered, but never healed, her Derek inflicted wounds.

She touched her fingers to her lips, still reeling from their kiss. Derek didn't make sense right now. Meredith didn't even make sense to herself right now. But she knew, somewhere, with a clarity that she had never experienced before, that she had to make Derek make sense again.

* * *

Derek arrived at Meredith's house, ready to gather her in his arms, kiss away the last five years and forgive her. He was excited as he pounded on the door, peered in the windows, and called her name. When it was clear she wasn't there, he returned to car and settled in, content to wait for her.

Little by little, the confusion, pain and utter disparity of the last half decade came back, firing deadly shots to his happiness. She had run away, without so much as a glance backwards or a moment of hesitation to allow him to explain. She had moved all the way across the country, fell in love with another man and almost married him. Angry, he jammed his keys into the ignition and drove away.

He let the anger eat away at him as he drove back to his trailer. For five years, he had missed her, he had drowned his sorrows in scotch and vodka, and he had been a wreck. He didn't know if it was worth it to start that all over again.

* * *

It took her a long time to walk through the front door of her mother's house. Her house. Ellis had died after Meredith left Seattle, and left her everything, so the house was officially hers. With a shaking hand, she put her key in the lock and twisted, stepping inside and dropping her bags in shock. The furniture, which had been covered since George and Izzie moved out, was uncovered. She wandered from room to room.

The place was fixed up, decorated and cleaned. Little touched she would have chosen for the house herself were all in place. All the appliances were on; all of the clocks were set. She heard the refrigerator running and opened it to find it filled with food. When she dragged all of her bags up to her room, there were fresh sheets on her bed, and a folded piece of paper. She picked it up to find one sentence of the card. _In case you decided to come home,_ it said. The hand writing was Cristina's.

* * *

**Philadelphia: A Few Days Later**

"What now?" Olivia asked, looking around at the mass of cardboard boxes that littered Meredith's apartment.

Cristina sighed. "We'll have everything shipped back to Seattle. It's going to take a few days to get it all in order, so Burke and I will wait here."

George shook his head. "Mer's going to be freaking out." He said. "She'll need you. Alex and Jillian need to get back to David. Olivia and I will wait." He offered.

Cristina considered this, going over her checklist in her head. She had made these plans before the wedding. She had brought the packaging tape in her suitcase, and had dug out Meredith's contract on her apartment before the actual ceremony had taken place. A few phone calls and she had terminated her lease. Finally, she nodded. "We have a plan." She said. Burke shot her a look and she rolled her eyes. "It's a good plan. It's not a drill a hole into someone's head with a Black and Decker or cut an LVAD wire plan."

Izzie placed her hands on her hips, indignant. "Why do you always make fun of my bad plans?" she mumbled.

Cristina gave her a look and rolled her eyes. "Please, Barbie. I don't come up with bad plans." From across the room, next to Olivia, George let out some kind of half laugh, half snort.

"Please. It's not a we're a team with three out of four working hands plan either." Burke raised his eyebrows. George smiled apologetically. "Sorry, Dr. Burke." Cristina glared at him.

"At least that was better than the stick a needle in my butt to cure my syphilis plan." She shot back, causing Olivia to blush. Jillian and Denny exchanged a look they had come to give one another often. A look that expressed gratitude that they weren't doctors. As the argument started to get out of control when Izzie brought up Alex failing his boards, Burke raised both of his hands in a gesture of mediation.

"People." He said. "Our priority is to enact the plan. It's a good plan, surprisingly enough. I'll book tickets for everyone except Olivia and O'Malley."

Denny nodded. "I'll work on the shipping issue." He said. As he and Burke started to talk, Cristina, Izzie, Alex and George exchanged looks between them that could not be understood, even by Burke or Olivia. Looks that could only be understood between them and Meredith. She needed them now, and they had to be there.

"I wonder if she's seen Derek yet." George muttered.

Izzie looked down and then back at up the rest of them nervously. "Do you think that she'll be mad when she finds out? That we're friends with McDreamy now? He's like the enemy."

Alex shook his head. "I don't think he's the enemy anymore, Iz."

Burke looked up. "There's one seat on the flight leaving Philadelphia tonight." He said. "Who wants it?" Everyone's eyes turned to Cristina, but she looked at Jillian.

"You should get back to David." She said. "You take it."

Jillian smiled and shook her head. She hadn't been with them from the beginning, but there was one thing she knew, and it was that look. The one they gave each other, like that year as interns bonded them in a way no one would understand. "David will be fine with my parents for one more night." She said. "You go." Cristina shot her a grateful look and picked up her bags, ready to leave that second.

**Breathe. Fireworks. Keeping The Faith. It Takes A Village. Loud And Clear. **

**Check them out. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: A Leap Of Faith**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: It would be nice to own grey's anatomy, sadly all we own are a lot of high priced shoes and handbags, and both seasons on dvd.**

**Summary: AU. Meredith leaves Seattle the night that Addison comes. Five years later, she's standing at the back of the church, about to marry another man, when she admits to herself that she's still very much in love with Derek Shepherd. So she heads back to Seattle, and finds a very broken Derek. Will they be able to heal each other, or is it too late?**

**Author's Note: We know, we know. We haven't updated anything in about 29 years, but we absolutely could not get this out of our heads. We will be updating everything, but we hope you like this. **

**New chapter, yay! If you haven't noticed, each chapter starts with a flashback. Other than that, just read and review. And reflect on how McBarWhore has to be Lexie Grey. **

**REVIEW**

"_Oh, what a mess we made." – Amy Winehouse_

**5 Years Ago**

_Derek went striding up to the front door of Meredith's house, and started pounding on it. He hadn't seen her in three days. If she transferred to a different hospital, she might still be there. She had to still be there. He needed her. He would go crazy without her. _

_He finally gave up on the knocking, knowing that George saw him. They weren't going to let him in, so he took the matter into his own hands. He twisted the door knob and found it was open. He charged inside and started up the stairs. _

"_Hey!" Izzie called. "Can he do that?" she demanded to George. Derek ignored their threats to call the police and flung open the door to her room. His eyes registered what was in front of him and he felt like someone had knocked the wind out of him. The room was empty. Completely, positively empty. Only her furniture remained. _

_He turned on his heel and ran back down the stairs, where George and Izzie were waiting for him. "Happy now, Dr. Shepherd?" George asked. _

"_Where did she go?" Derek demanded. Izzie looked down and George focused on the ceiling. Derek's fist clenched in frustration. "Just tell me where she is!" _

"_Why should we?" Izzie asked. "Got another wife you can spring on her? Maybe a kid this time? You lied to her, Dr. Shepherd." She spat out, her voice dripping with sarcasm when she said Dr. Shepherd. "You slept in her bed and you were lying to her the whole time." _

"_I never lied to her." Derek said, but it sounded weak to his own ears. _

"_Uh, a wife is something you mention. Withholding the truth and lying? Same thing." George said. "She went back East. That's all I'll tell you. And it's more than you deserve to know." He said. Derek looked down at the floor and sank down onto a step. _

"_I love her, you know." He said, knowing that while it wouldn't make a difference, it would make him feel better to say it out loud. "Addison, my wife, I'm divorcing her. It's in the works." _

"_Congratulations." Izzie said bitterly. "Too bad you didn't think of this sooner, or we all might still have Meredith here." _

"_You aren't the only one who's going to miss her." George piped up, opening the door in a gesture that he should leave. Derek stood to go. "You're just the only one who has to live with the guilt of being the reason she's gone." He said as Derek walked out of her house, and out of her life.

* * *

_

"I'm angry. At Meredith." Derek announced to Mark and Addison the next day. They were milling around the nurses station, drinking coffee, when Derek strolled up to them. Addison turned to her ex husband and blinked.

"Uh huh." She said. "No kidding. She left you here, without giving you a chance to make it right. Of course you're mad at her." She said, sipping her coffee. "I was mad at you." She offered.

Derek made a face. "You slept with Mark." He said. Mark took a huge sip of coffee and looked up at the ceiling.

Addison reached out and slapped Derek on the arm. "And you dated her for three months without mentioning me! Point is, that both of you ran without a second thought. And I was mad at you for not giving me a chance. You're human, Derek. You're allowed to be mad at her."

Derek shook his head and sighed. "When she was gone…" he trailed off. Mark drained his coffee and tossed the cup in the trash.

"You fell apart, Der, okay? You lived on alcohol and coffee. You're not who you were. Question is, do you want to know who you could become with her?" he asked. "Be angry, be whatever. Just figure it out before you lose her again."

Derek opened his mouth to speak but thought better of it. The truth was that Mark was right, so right it killed him a little bit. He wanted her back, he knew he did, but the anger and pain of the last five years built a huge wall in front of him, and she was on the other side. Right now, he couldn't get past the wall. He bit his lip and wondered if she would come to work today.

* * *

Cristina pulled up in front of the house, biting her lip at the surreal feeling it all had; Meredith was back in Seattle. She pounded her fist into the horn and waited, leaning back in the seat and stretching. Her mouth opened in a yawn and she rolled her shoulders a few time to shake the exhaustion she felt creeping through her. She had jumped on the red eye from Philadelphia last night.

She watched as Meredith emerged from the house, looking exactly the same as she had. Cristina's lips parted slightly as she reflected on how miraculous it was that their friendship, their deep connection, had flourished despite the distance. She opened the door and slid into the passenger seat.

"I kissed Derek." She said, accepting the coffee Cristina held out to her. She sipped it as Cristina hit the gas and they sped towards Seattle Grace. "I kissed Derek at Joe's." she clarified, arching an eyebrow at Cristina.

"Is that supposed to be surprising?" Cristina asked dryly, sipping her own coffee and merging onto the highway. "There are bigger issues we can discuss." Meredith sighed and bit her lip, looking out the window at Seattle. Cristina rolled her eyes. "What?"

"I kissed him at Joe's and then I left. And he never came looking for me. And he kissed me back." She said quickly, all in one breath. Cristina raised her eyebrows, deciding to dive right in.

"He's incredibly pissed at you." She said, merging again, passing a truck lumbering along. "He divorced his wife days after you left, and you never looked back. When he found out you were engaged, he started drinking and…" she trailed off. Meredith eyed her, her mouth slightly open.

"How do you know this?"

"We're sort of friends with McDreamy."

Meredith snorted at her. "You are friends with McDreamy?" she repeated incredulously. Cristina just shrugged and pulled off of the highway. Meredith sipped her coffee and looked over at her friend. "Thanks. For the house."

"I had a feeling." Cristina said simply. She arched one eyebrow at Meredith and made her best supportive face. "About Jack, and that wedding you ran away from…" she started.

Meredith shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it." She declared, looking out the window. Cristina wasn't going to press the issue, but Jack Pierre was pushy, arrogant and always got what he wanted.

"Did something happen? Did he hit you or something?"

"Seriously? I said I didn't want to talk about it." She said, firmly, in a way that told her best friend not to push the issue. They drove in silence to the hospital, and Meredith felt her heart quicken as they pulled into the parking lot. She got out of the car and scanned the parking lot. Cristina rolled her eyes.

"He got a new car. It's the silver one over there." She said, pointing. Meredith's heart literally skipped a beat. He was here, inside those doors. She was going to go inside, put on her scrubs and go throughout her day like five gaping years weren't missing from her life in Seattle.

"You got more than enough experience at Jefferson, so we put you in the fellowship program." Richard said to her. "With the rest of your intern year." Meredith smiled gratefully, and the chief swallowed. "Meredith, are you..." he trailed off. "Are you okay?"

She tensed and smiled tightly. "I'm fine chief. I'm happy to be back." There was a sharp knock at the door, and Derek's head popped in. His eyes darkened as they landed on Meredith.

"Chief, I need someone." He said curtly, his eyes fixed on Richard, deliberately avoiding looking at Meredith. "Male with severe head trauma is five minutes out. We're talking long and complicated." Meredith turned to the chief, the man who felt responsible for her well being, the man who promised her mother he would be responsible for her well being, and looked at him with eyes that begged for the chance.

"Dr. Grey will assist you." Webber said.

"Chief, I'd prefer someone else." Derek shot back immediately, inwardly wincing at how childish he sounded.

Richard rolled his eyes. "Grey, go. Derek, deal with it." Meredith leapt out of her chair, thanking Dr. Webber with her eyes and followed Derek down the hall. He was walking at a pace that was almost a run. She didn't know if that was for the benefit of the patient or because he didn't want to talk to her. She cornered him as they washed their hands in the ig, industrial metallic sink.

"I exist." She said quietly. "Whether you like it or not, I'm here. I exist."

"To me, right now? You don't." he said. She sucked in a breath as the words left his lips. They fell on her and stung. She didn't want to hear them, she wanted him to tell her how much he loved her, how he had never stopped thinking of her.

"You kissed me back, Derek."

"You left five years ago Meredith." He countered.

She shook her head, anger slowly building inside of her. "You had a wife!" she hissed, gripping the cold hard steel of the sink. "A wife who knew about me. The woman screwing her husband." She quoted.

Derek shook his head. "I would have made up for that. I would have chosen you, Meredith. I would have picked you if you had stayed." He said, pulling gloves over his hands and entering the OR. She sagged against the sink, feeling like he had knocked the wind out of her.

Five years ago, it had seemed like her only option. The guy you love has a secret wife, who happens to be beautiful and talented. She had to run; it was the only thing she could have done. Now, in retrospect, for the first time, she was slowly realizing that she had made a mistake.


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: A Leap Of Faith**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: It would be nice to own grey's anatomy, sadly all we own are a lot of high priced shoes and handbags, and both seasons on dvd.**

**Summary: AU. Meredith leaves Seattle the night that Addison comes. Five years later, she's standing at the back of the church, about to marry another man, when she admits to herself that she's still very much in love with Derek Shepherd. So she heads back to Seattle, and finds a very broken Derek. Will they be able to heal each other, or is it too late?**

**Author's Note: Since our Jillian is supposed to be Rebecca on the show, we're caving and changing her name. This is kind of a less action filled updated, but it's MerDer heavy, especially at the end. Coming up in the next few updates we're going to have MerDer sex, Derek's breakdown, and the return of Mer's jilted fiancee.**

**REVIEW!**

_I finally know now,  
what I should have known then,  
and I could still be ruthless,  
if you'd let me_

**5 Years Ago**

_Meredith climbed out of the taxi, and looked up. The St. James apartments were a trendy high rise sitting over Washington Square, in between Philadelphia's Old City and it's new, center city area. She could see the Willis Eye Hospital, part of the complex of Jefferson Hospital complex she would be working in now. _

_She looked around as cars whirred by, people hurried down the sidewalk, and clustered in groups, smoking cigarettes and laughing. So this was Philadelphia. Faster, busier than Seattle. And sunnier, that was for sure. She took the elevator to the sixth floor of the building, opened her apartment, and dropped her bags on the floor. The rest of her boxes, boxes she had shipped were coming. _

_She looked around and sighed. She didn't want a trendy new apartment. She didn't want to be in this city, the city of brotherly love. She wanted to be in Seattle, with Derek. She wanted to go back. Realizing harshly that she couldn't go back, that going back was no longer an option, she sank down on the hardwood floor of her new apartment, and waited for the tears to come, but they didn't. She drew her knees to her chest and stared at the opposite wall for hours. _

**Present Day**

It had rained every single day for the two weeks she had been back in Seattle. On the fifteenth day, Meredith woke up to sunny skies. She took it as a sign that things had to be getting better, and dressed for work hurriedly.

She hadn't spoken to Derek about anything other than work since the night he told her that she didn't exist to him; words that stung her more than she had shown. She scrubbed in on his surgeries and he would curtly ask her for help or for a scalpel every now and then. She passed him in the hall and he would look down. She saw him in the cafeteria and he would scowl, and shove food in his mouth to avoid conversing.

She was at a standstill with him, and she didn't know what to do. Every time she tried to approach him, he fled. It was like she really didn't exist to him. These were her thoughts as she scrubbed in on another surgery. She was doing her own surgeries now, because she was in her fellowship, but there was no denying it; he was still the best. She still had a lot to learn from him.

"This is a bad one, Dr. Shepherd." One of the scrub nurses said. "Four year old girl. She got hit by a car. Her head's a mess." Derek nodded stoically. Meredith joined him next to the operating table.

"How are you proceeding Dr. Shepherd?" she asked. He ignored her and started to cut. She sighed and watched him intently, her eyes drawn to his hands, as they always were in surgery. Derek shook his head to clear it, wishing he hadn't drank so much last night, wishing she wasn't staring at him. He let his eyes flicker over her briefly. She was still gorgeous, with her dirty blonde hair, her deep eyes, and her perfect mouth. He could have taken her right there, if he wasn't so furious with her.

"Dr. Grey." He said coldly. "See that clot right at the cut? You can remove it if you feel up to it." She stepped toward him, and he sidestepped away, so as not to feel the heat of her body next to his, not to smell the lavender of her hair.

"Thank you, Dr. Shepherd." She said politely, picking up the scalpel, and going to work on the clot. It was a dramatic role reversal. She could feel his eyes on her, watching her every move. Meredith suddenly found it hard to breathe. She controlled herself, fighting the urge to drop the scalpel, spin around and kiss him as hard as she could right there.

Moments later, she had removed the clot without problems. Derek raised his eyebrows, and for the first time in weeks his demeanor towards her shifted from enraged to simply angry. "Impressive, Dr. Grey." He said the stiffness still in his tone. She shivered when his hand closed over hers to take the scalpel. It was the first contact they'd had since she had kissed him in the bar, and it left a burn on her skin.

* * *

Cristina found her slumped on a bench in the locker room hours later, staring at the wall of mundane, non descript lockers listlessly. "Meredith, what the hell are you doing?" she demanded, her hands on her hips.

"We lost her." Meredith said dully. "We lost the girl. And I don't exist to Derek."

"Your patient died?" Cristina asked, confused. "Patients die all the time, Meredith."

"Derek slipped." She confessed. "His hand slipped and it caused a bleed. I froze. We lost her." Cristina sat down on the bench next to her and mimicked Meredith's position; leaning forward, putting her elbows on her knees, and training her eyes on the wall of lockers in front of them.

"Even the best surgeons make mistakes, Mer." Cristina said.

"What did I do to him?" she asked, turning her face towards Cristina. "He's… he's not the Derek I remember. Was that me?"

Cristina didn't say anything. She just sighed, and circled one hand around Meredith's wrists as they sat, staring at the wall of lockers. They sat in silence and listened to each other breathe in and out. It reminded Meredith of her first night in Philadelphia, the night she had stared at her living room wall for hours, only this time, she had someone there.

They finally got up, changed and made their way over to Joe's. They walked in to find Alex, Izzie, George, Olivia, Mark, Addison and Derek crowded around a table. Burke was on call, Rebecca was home with David and Denny was in Portland on a business trip. Meredith followed behind Cristina, her steps cautious, her demeanor shy. She watched Derek, sitting at the table, downing scotch, chin propped up by his hand, looking utterly despondent. The others called out greetings to her and Cristina, and Meredith noticed that Mark and Addison were watching her carefully.

Derek looked up and his eyes clouded at the sight of her. He reached in his pocket, tossed some bills on the table, rose and started to leave. "I'll see you all tomorrow." He said. "Sorry, Cristina." He said, by way of apology. He ignored Meredith, brushed right by her. So he was friends with all of her friends, but he couldn't even acknowledge her. Meredith stood for a few seconds, hovering over the table, unsure of what to do. Cristina plopped into Derek's vacant seat and motioned for Meredith to sit. Instead, she fixed a look of defiance on her face and turned on her heel, following him outside into the night.

She looked around for him, and finally saw his silhouette, sitting on the hood of his car in the deserted parking lot. Her legs seemed to carry her without conscious effort, and she was moving towards him faster than she wanted to. She settled next to him, leaning against the hood.

"I'm sorry." She said. "About the patient. That was tough." He sighed next to her, letting out a shaky breath he didn't realize he had been holding. "It wasn't your fault, Der." She said, his old nickname tumbling from her lips like water.

"It was my fault Meredith." He snapped. "Everything is someone's fault. Don't tell me there was nothing I could have done, because you should know that's never true."

Meredith's face flushed with embarrassment and anger. Did he think it had been easy for her to give him up and move her life halfway across the country? "So this is how it's going to be?" she demanded. "This is all we'll ever amount to?"

"What the hell did you expect Meredith?" He asked testily, turning to face her, his eyes blazing. Meredith looked him over and drank him in with her eyes. His own eyes were bloodshot and hollow, ringed with dark circles from sleepless nights and too much scotch, but Meredith couldn't see it. She fixated on the good; the moonlight casting a soft glow over his hair and strong features.

"You're just going to ignore me?" she asked softly. "Pretend I'm not here? I know you're mad, Derek, but I do exist." She said again.

"Damn it, Meredith." He muttered. Before she knew what was happening, his arms were around her neck and her waist, pulling her body roughly into his. She felt his lips on hers, the kind of bruising, swollen lipped kisses only Derek could deliver. His tongue pushed into her mouth, giving her the kiss she's dreamt about for years. Gently, he pushed her down onto the hood of his car, kissing her hard. Her hands slipped into his hair, and gently pulled the tendrils there. His lips trailed down her neck, leaving fires burning on her collarbone.

"Derek…" she breathed lightly. His hands cupped her cheeks as he kissed her lips again, and then as quickly as it came over them, the spell was broken, and he pulled away abruptly, leaving her feeling empty and hollow. She straightened up and followed him as he moved towards the driver's seat, fumbling in his pocket for the keys. "Derek, what the hell was that?" she asked.

He didn't answer, just unlocked the car, got in, jammed the keys in the ignition and sped off into the night. Time lost all relevance as Meredith stood there, watching the direction he had driven off in. It could have been fifteen seconds or fifteen minutes; she had no idea. Slowly, she turned and walked back into Joe's and sat down at an empty seat at the table.

Conversation stopped and they stared at her; her mussed hair, her flushed cheeks, her swollen lips. She looked at her friends, and then at Mark and Addison, then back down at the table uncomfortably. Mark and Addison exchanged a pointed glance, and the silence grew. Meredith had never been more grateful to anyone when George jumped up to get her a drink, and Alex started talking loudly. Meredith leaned back in her chair, sipping the drink, lost in her own world of thought. She touched a finger to her lips, wondering what it meant and where those kisses had left them.


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: A Leap Of Faith**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: It would be nice to own grey's anatomy, sadly all we own are a lot of high priced shoes and handbags, and both seasons on dvd.**

**Summary: AU. Meredith leaves Seattle the night that Addison comes. Five years later, she's standing at the back of the church, about to marry another man, when she admits to herself that she's still very much in love with Derek Shepherd. So she heads back to Seattle, and finds a very broken Derek. Will they be able to heal each other, or is it too late?**

**Author's Note: So it's been awhile, but we swear to God, we'll update everything at least once a week. Here on out. This is the day after the last chapter. Mark and Derek have a chat about Mer. Friendship. Yay.**

**REVIEW!**

_I want to be forgotten,  
and I don't want to be reminded._

**Five Years Ago: Seattle**

"_You're serious about this?" Addison asked her face blank. She was exhausted. The past few days had been sleepless; full of planes crossing time zones, cars taking her to a strange hospital in a strange city. That and her pending divorce. _

"_No, I'm meeting with the lawyers because it's all a fucking joke." Derek snapped bitterly. Addison felt her face drop as the exhaustion and the pain caught up with her. She dropped her head into her left hand and shut her eyes. It was really over. When she looked back up, Derek's expression had softened. "I'm sorry, Addison." He said. _

_She twisted her lips into a humorless smile that didn't stretch beyond her perfectly painted lips. "You fell in love with her so quickly…" she said, trailing off. _

_Derek's expression mirrored her own. "And you fell in love with Mark." He said. As the words left his lips, their eyes met, and they both knew two things: what they said to each other was true, and that they were over. _

"_I'm sorry." She whispered. "I didn't mean for it to happen…_

"_It just happened." Derek finished. "You just fell in love." He spread his hands flat on the table and stared down at them, blinking rapidly. "The only difference is that you still have a chance. You should call Mark. Go back to New York." _

_Addison looked at him, barely recognizing the man before her. He looked like a shell of who she'd married, yet just a few short days ago, standing in that lobby with Meredith, he'd looked happy enough to fly. "I'm staying." She said before thinking about it. "If he wants me, he can come here. You…" she stopped, and covered one of his hands with one of hers. "You need friends, Derek." _

**Present Day**

Mark was sitting in the gallery. He liked galleries. You could watch surgery absently, as if it were a Knicks game. You could put your feet up, bring a coffee, and still feel connected to the hospital. You could hole up in there with paperwork, and it was easier to stomach.

He was alone in the gallery tonight. The day was winding down, and people were leaving the hospital, moving on to what was next in their lives: home, dinner, or the bar across the street. He looked up from the chart he was working on to watch Addison for a few minutes; the C- section was routine, but he loved to watch her anyway. He tapped his pen to his chin absentmindedly, trying to think of where they could go for dinner when her surgery was over, when Derek strode through the door of the gallery and started pacing back and forth in front of the glass.

His footsteps were slow and heavy, alerting Mark that he actually was in deep thought about something. Derek paced with one hand over his mouth, eyes set on the floor. He looked almost comical, like the detective in an old black and white movie, save for the lab coat and scrubs. Mark's eyes flicked over his friend. His stomach clenched slightly at Derek's bloodshot eyes, ringed with dark circles. He hated the idea of his friend, his best friend, save for his wife, drinking his life away in a cold, damp trailer.

Derek looked up at Mark, shook his head and kept pacing. Mark crossed his arms over his muscular chest, a bemused expression falling over his features. A lifetime of being best friends with Derek had taught him not to pry; Derek would talk when he was ready.

"I kissed Meredith." He said, slowing his paces and coming to rest, leaning against the window, his back towards the OR.

"I think the entire bar noticed." Mark said, returning his eyes to the chart he had been writing on. Derek shook his head. Mark dropped his pen and closed the chart, letting it slide off of his lap onto the chair next to him.

"Last night." Derek said in frustration. "I kissed her last night. Outside the bar."

Mark smirked. "Moving from inside to outside. I see."

"Mark, be serious." Derek pleaded. Mark nodded and wiped the smirk from his face, concentrating on Derek. And Derek was a sight to behold. His casual lean, which had in the past, rivaled Mark's come hither grin, had transformed into a body slumped against a surface it literally needed for support. Derek ran an unsteady hand through his hair.

"I should have just stayed at the bar." He muttered, more to himself than to Mark. "But I couldn't… I didn't want to be there with her, because she's trying to make everything okay, and things are not okay. So she followed me. Damn it. She had to follow me."

"Derek." Mark said sternly. "Talk to me. What are you saying?" he said slowly. Derek's bloodshot eyes moved slowly from the floor and focused on Mark's face.

"She told me our patient dying wasn't my fault. But it was. _My _hand slipped, and she knows. She saw the slip. But she looked like…like she'd take it away if she could. Like she'd make it her fault if it was possible."

Mark nodded slowly, a few more pieces sliding into the puzzle. He's put together a rough frame of what had happened based on what he'd learned from Addison and what Derek had slurred to him through drunken conversations. And when Meredith had showed up at the bar, he'd been prepared to hate her. Despise her for what she'd reduced his best friend to. But now, there were new puzzle pieces, and it was becoming clear to Mark that Meredith Grey, whoever she was, loved Derek.

"I kissed her." Derek said again.

"You kissed her." Mark confirmed.

"I leaned her down onto the hood of my car. And I kissed her."

Mark bit the inside of his cheeks in effort not to smile, because now it was downright obvious. They loved each other. And it was so typical of Derek, just to take her in his arms and kiss her, right there.

"And then I walked away." He admitted, shoving his hands into the pockets of his lab coat.

"You walked away?" Mark echoed.

"I walked away." He said again. There were a few seconds of comfortable silence, the silence that only comes with someone you trust.

"So how was the kiss?" Mark asked, grinning.

"I went back to the trailer." Derek said, slowly. "And took a cold shower." He admitted. Mark stifled a laugh, turning it into a cough at the last second. "Shut up." Derek muttered.

"You're still in love with her." Mark said matter of factly, reaching his arms over his head and stretching.

"I don't want to be." Derek said darkly, pushing himself off of the window and trudging towards the door.

"Which is a shame." Mark called after him. "Because she's still in love with you."


	7. Chapter 7

**Title: A Leap Of Faith**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: It would be nice to own grey's anatomy, sadly all we own are a lot of high priced shoes and handbags, and both seasons on dvd.**

**Summary: AU. Meredith leaves Seattle the night that Addison comes. Five years later, she's standing at the back of the church, about to marry another man, when she admits to herself that she's still very much in love with Derek Shepherd. So she heads back to Seattle, and finds a very broken Derek. Will they be able to heal each other, or is it too late?**

**Author's Note: Another update! Yay! We're trying so hard to get everything updated at least twice before next Sunday, so keep an eye out. **

**REVIEW!**

_I could be stuck here for a thousand years  
without your arms to drag me out. _

**Five Years Ago: Philadelphia**

"_Honey, what happened to you?" asked the friendly security guard to whom Meredith flashed her Jefferson ID everyday. "It's been a week now, and every day you come in her lookin' like somebody ran over your dog." _

_Meredith offered a small smile. "I just moved here. From Seattle. It was kind of a rough transition." _

"_Bad break up?" the woman asked. _

_Meredith winced. "You could say that." _

"_Child, it's written all over your face. This is a story. Tell Susie what happened." _

_Meredith bit her lip. "I met a guy. In a bar." She started. "I was drunk, and he took advantage. Or he was drunk, and I took advantage. But, either way, he turned out to be my boss." _

"_Lordy." Susie said with a low whistle. _

"_Which actually wasn't our biggest problem." Meredith said. "We got past that, and we started a thing. A dating thing. A relationship thing." _

"_So what went wrong?" _

"_He had a wife." She said, trying to sound casual. _

"_Sweet Lord in Heaven. No wonder you look so sad."_

**Present Day: Seattle**

Derek left Mark in the gallery to his normal life, one free of ex girlfriends who had both saved and ruined you. Mark's words echoed in his mind.

_She's still in love with you._

But she couldn't be. If she was still in love with him, she wouldn't have gotten engaged and almost married to someone else. She wouldn't have stayed across the country for five years, without so much as a phone call or an email.

She would have known that every day she was gone; he fell a little farther into his self induced hell. She would have known that he desperately needed saving, and she would have come back to save him from drowning again.

But she hadn't, and this time, there had been nothing to pull him back above the water. He had drowned in loss, despair and single malt whiskey.

A voice in the back of his head reminded him of the look on Meredith's face when Addison had walked up to them, smiling and flaming haired in her fur trimmed Prada coat. It hadn't been easy for her, either. And to leave her friends… Derek shook his head. He decided to give himself some time. Some time to decide if he had it in him to forgive her. Maybe if he kept his distance, it would keep the pain at bay.

"Derek?" he heard her approaching him in the hallway, with her light footsteps and the timid voice she tended to use around him. He didn't say anything, but he couldn't make himself walk past her. "Derek, come on." She pleaded. "At least talk to me."

"I don't have anything to say." He muttered sullenly, not meeting her eyes. It hurt to look at her.

She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "You can't do this, Derek. You can't kiss me on the hood of your car, and then just…" she trailed off, desperate for him to say something. He just stared at the floor, his face set in a cold, hard expression. "I'm sorry." She whispered, starting to walk away.

"You know, I don't get it." Derek finally said, his voice a whisper. "How'd you do it?" he asked so quietly she barely heard him. "How'd you just run away and never look back? You never emailed, you never called."

Something fell into place in Meredith's head. So this is why he was so angry. "Hi." She said softly. "You've reached the office of Derek Shepherd, head of neurosurgery at Seattle Grace. I can't answer your call now, but if you leave a message, I'll return it. If this is a medical emergency, please hang up and dial 911." She whispered.

Derek stared at her and Meredith stared back at him, desperate to make him see that she had never really left him at all. "How do you know that?" he asked.

"Because I called it everyday when I thought you weren't in your office. When you answered, I hung up, but I listened to that message everyday because I needed to hear your voice." She said. She hesitated and he started to walk away. "My wedding day." She said. He stopped.

"It was supposed to be my wedding day, and while Cristina and Izzie were fussing with my dress, I snuck into the bathroom and called your office to hear it go to voicemail."

Derek turned around, and they looked at each other for a long time. Meredith took a step towards him and put a hand on his cheek. "I've been in Seattle the whole time." She whispered.


	8. Chapter 8

**Title: A Leap Of Faith**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: It would be nice to own grey's anatomy, sadly all we own are a lot of high priced shoes and handbags, and both seasons on dvd.**

**Summary: AU. Meredith leaves Seattle the night that Addison comes. Five years later, she's standing at the back of the church, about to marry another man, when she admits to herself that she's still very much in love with Derek Shepherd. So she heads back to Seattle, and finds a very broken Derek. Will they be able to heal each other, or is it too late?**

**Author's Note: Just review.**

**REVIEW!**

_Me, I'm a fool spent from defiance,  
But you've got me, I didn't give up on you._

**Five Years Ago: Seattle**

"_You're not going to hit me, are you?" Mark asked as he sauntered into the bar and sank down on the stool next to Derek. Derek shook his head. _

"_No, I'm not going to hit you." He said in a hollow voice that was nothing like the one Mark remembered. _

"_Derek, you have to know how sorry…" _

_Derek held up a hand to cut him off. Mark stopped talking and waited. "Save it." Derek said shortly. "There's not an excuse for what the two of you did." _

"_But now you understand." Mark said, flaunting his infuriating ability to understand what Derek was thinking. _

"_Now I understand." Derek said. "Joe," he called to the bartender. Double scotch, single malt," he said, gesturing to Mark. He rattled the ice in his own empty glass. "And I'll have another." _

"_Sure thing Doc." Joe said. Mark looked at Derek with one eyebrow raised in a glance that demanded information. _

"_So," Mark said as their drinks were placed in front of them. "You really screwed yourself didn't you?" _

_Derek looked up at him sharply, snapping his head up so quickly Mark was afraid he'd get whiplash. "You have no idea." Derek said dryly. Mark sipped his scotch, not wanting to push. He waited for Derek to speak again. "I fell in love with her. Meredith. I'm in love with Meredith, and I don't know where she is." _

_Mark shook his head and took another sip of his scotch. "Drink up Der." He said. "You're fucked." _

**Present Day**

"She's acting like I should just forgive her." Derek said. He picked up his glass and took a large gulp, making a face as the scotch burned his throat as it went down.

"Maybe you should." Mark said.

"I should?" Derek echoed, a note of fury in his voice. "I should? You have got to be kidding me!"

Mark sighed, exasperated. They had been talking of nothing else for days, and he was beginning to think that Derek was missing the point. "I know you're pissed, but she's here, and she loves you. If you both screwed up, shouldn't they cancel each other out?"

"A get out of jail free card." Addison suggested, sliding into the seat next to Mark and leaning over to kiss him on the mouth. She smiled as he made a little face at her, letting her know that her ex husband was still angrily moping about getting exactly what he wanted. "You're going to have to get over it, Der." She said casually.

Derek wasn't listening. His eyes were fixed on the door; from their table in a corner, he tried to catch every one of her movements. She entered with Cristina and Izzie, looked around nervously, and didn't see him. He watched as her body relaxed. Her face lit up at something Izzie said, and she unconsciously wiggled her hips to the music playing as she followed her friends to the bar.

Derek swallowed hard. He could hear Mark and Addison talking, and he could feel his own head nodding, but all he could concentrate on was Meredith. The three of them sat at the bar, and he could hear her laugh over all the other noise. The light caught the strands of gold in her hair, and he was transfixed.

Mark rolled his eyes. "Pathetic." He said, taking another swallow. "Like I said, maybe you should just forgive her." Before Derek could say anything, he rose, and grabbing their empty glasses, headed for the bar.

He stood at the bar close enough to Meredith and her friends to hear what they were saying. "I don't get it." Meredith said. "I told him that I called to listen to his voicemail everyday, and he still looks at me like he might snap and whatever."

Mark rolled his eyes and cleared his throat. "Hey." He said. "Yang and Tink," Izzie rolled her eyes, as she always did when he used Cristina's Tinkerbell nickname to address her. "Go talk to Derek and Addison. I need a word with Dr. Grey."

Meredith turned to her friends, shooting them panicked glances and shaking her head no with wide eyes, but they both shrugged and grinned and got up to leave her alone with Mark. Her eyes followed Cristina and Izzie to the table where Derek sat, talking to Addison. She looked at him, his palms spread flat on the surface, and was suddenly overcome with longing to go to him.

She looked down to see Mark's hand extended towards her. "Dr. Mark Sloan." He said, smiling. "We've never been formally introduced."

Meredith shook his hand tentatively. "Meredith Grey." She said softly.

"Oh, I know who you are. You left; you left him broken, blah blah blah." He looked right at her, his eyes narrowing. "Do you love him, or are you just escaping a bad relationship here?"

Meredith's eyes slid past Mark to Derek. "I love him." She whispered. One look at her eyes, and Mark didn't dare contradict her.

"I love him," Meredith repeated, "And I'm not giving up. I'm not letting go."


	9. Chapter 9

**Title: A Leap Of Faith**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: It would be nice to own grey's anatomy, sadly all we own are a lot of high priced shoes and handbags, and both seasons on dvd.**

**Summary: AU. Meredith leaves Seattle the night that Addison comes. Five years later, she's standing at the back of the church, about to marry another man, when she admits to herself that she's still very much in love with Derek Shepherd. So she heads back to Seattle, and finds a very broken Derek. Will they be able to heal each other, or is it too late?**

**Author's Note: Everyone, this is Jack, left at the alter by Meredith. Jack, this is everyone.**

**REVIEW!**

_Come on baby, now throw me a right to the chin. _

**Five Years Ago: Philadelphia**

_She had found the one place in Philadelphia that she could breathe. The city suffocated her; the lack of open space and trees was a far cry from Seattle. The steps of the art museum had a little air, and a skyline view. There was no space needle, but she liked skylines. She went there almost every night that she wasn't on call. _

_She sat on the steps, looked at the skyline and pined for everything she used to have. It was a pathetic existence, and she knew she should try to make some friends, or something, but she didn't want friends. She didn't want to be tied to this place. She wanted the phone call from Derek that would bring her rushing back to Seattle. _

_One night, as she sat on those steps, watching the sun bleed shades of red and orange all over the skyline, she felt someone sink down onto the steps next to her. She shot a sidelong glance at him, and could see he was handsome. Dark hair, dark eyes, tan skin. He smelled like something expensive._

"_You spend a lot of time here." He said. _

"_Maybe." She replied, shrugging nonchalantly. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ears. _

"_So do I." he told her. "There's a certain peace up here, looking over the city." At these words, she turned to look at him, nodding, a small hint of a smile on her face. "How long have you lived in Philadelphia?" he asked. _

"_How do you know I'm not from Philadelphia?" she challenged. _

"_If you were," he said, grinning, "You would know the good places to sit on the steps." _

_Meredith grinned back. "I've been here for a few months." She admitted. "I'm from Seattle." _

_Mcstranger, as she had dubbed him in her head shuddered. "All the rain?" he questioned incredulously. "Well, you've come to the right place, then. It's always sunny in Philadelphia." _

"_It can be sunny in Seattle, too." _

"_What, like, one day a month?" he asked, his eyes twinkling with an air of understood bantering sarcasm between the two of them. _

"_Oh no. At least two or three days a month." Meredith deadpanned her face serious. McStranger laughed and extended his hand to her. _

"_So you're funny and beautiful." He said as she shook it. "I'm Jack, Jack Pierre." _

"_Meredith Grey." _

"_Well, Meredith Grey." He said, smiling. "Can I buy you a drink?" _

"

* * *

**Present Day**

The phone vibrated in her pocket. It had been vibrating all day, but she had been ignoring it, choosing, instead of answering it, to let it vibrate against her leg. At seven o'clock that evening, when her twelve hour shift was almost over, she couldn't ignore the calls any longer.

Pulling the phone out of the pocket of her lab coat, she ducked down and darkened hallway and answered. "Hello?" There was silence on the other end of the line, and for awhile, she thought he might have just given up.

"Meredith." His voice finally rang through the airwaves in a low, dangerous growl.

"Jack." She said quickly, uncertainly.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" He demanded harshly. "Where the hell are you?"

"I'm at home. In Seattle. Jack, I'm sorry." She said quickly. "I am so sorry, I just… I couldn't."

"You're still in love with that surgeon. Shepherd. The one you told me about that first night we met."

"I…" she started, but faltered. There was no denying it, and even if she did, Jack would know she was lying, anyway.

"You're pathetic, Meredith." He said harshly. "Pathetic. Does he even want you?"

"I don't know." She snapped angrily. "What do you want me to say, Jack?"

"There's nothing left to say, Meredith!" he exploded. "You left me standing up there. You humiliated me, and no one is allowed to do that."

"Oh, what are you going to do Jack?" she challenged. "Kill me?" She asked sarcastically.

"Don't be so fucking dramatic!" he shouted. She held the phone away from her ear to keep his angered screams from hurting her eardrums. "Just know that this isn't over. You can't treat me this way, Meredith. No one treats me this way."

"Jack." She said calmly. "Hang up the phone. I'm sure there are plenty of women just dying to heal your pain." She said, hanging up and slipping her phone back into her pocket. She walked out from behind the wire rack of medical supplies and almost collided with Addison.

"Dr. Sloan!" she said. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't worry about it." Meredith expected her to be short and maybe a little bitter, but her voice was kind and her eyes displayed more concern than anger. "Meredith," Addison said hesitantly. "Are you alright? I couldn't help but uh, overhear."

Meredith looked down. "I'm fine." She said. "I just… I never loved him." She admitted, to Addison and herself. "And I can't see why I thought I did."

"You love Derek." Addison said, putting the final piece of the puzzle in place.

Meredith nodded. "I love Derek."

Addison reached out, and in a gesture neither women expected, gripped Meredith's forearm. "He'll come around, Meredith. Give him time."

For the first time throughout their conversation, Meredith smiled. "Well, I've got a whole lot of time these days." She said. Addison returned her smile and began to walk away. "Addison?" Meredith called, looking at her hands as the older woman turned to her. "I'm sorry. I really didn't know he was married."

Addison smiled, her eyes darting to the finger that formally held her ring from Derek and now held her ring from Mark. "It turned out to be for the best." She said, smiling. "I'll see you later, Dr. Grey."

* * *

Jack sat moodily at an outside table on the sidewalk in front of one his father's restaurants. As four o'clock slid to five, he order a strong gin and tonic, and watched the people rush past on Walnut Street while he waited for his friends. 

Greg and Ryan slid into their seats at five fifteen. "So," Greg asked, "Did she beg you to take her back?"

Jack made a face. "Hardly. The bitch had me listening to her bullshit. Waste of my fucking time." He said, taking a large swallow of his drink. He looked at his friends, his oldest friends and shook his head. "Jesus Christ." He muttered.

"So what are you going to do about it?" Ryan asked, leaning back in his chair and smiling at a blonde girl who walked by carrying an Urban Outfitters bag.

Jack downed his drink in one larger gulp and set the glass down with a loud clink. "We're going to Seattle." He said.


	10. Chapter 10

**Title: A Leap Of Faith**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: It would be nice to own grey's anatomy, sadly all we own are a lot of high priced shoes and handbags, and both seasons on dvd.**

**Summary: AU. Meredith leaves Seattle the night that Addison comes. Five years later, she's standing at the back of the church, about to marry another man, when she admits to herself that she's still very much in love with Derek Shepherd. So she heads back to Seattle, and finds a very broken Derek. Will they be able to heal each other, or is it too late?**

**Author's Note: WE'RE SORRY! We haven't abandoned our fics. The internet wasn't working in our apartment for the first two weeks of school, and we couldnt update. But here you are. Everything should be updated this week. **

**REVIEW!**

_I wanna kiss you,  
and knock 'em down like we used to._

**Four Years Ago: Seattle**

_The barstools at the Emerald City bar had become familiar; comfortable to Derek. He was there almost every night. Sometimes with Mark and Addison, sometimes with the interns and Burke. That night, he was early. His last surgery was canceled. The patient died on the way to the hospital. _

_He sat at Joe's, and George came in, with Olivia, the nurse. "Hey, Derek." He said. _

"_Hi, Dr. Shepherd." Olivia said nervously. She headed towards the bathroom while George slid onto the seat next to Derek. _

"_She called today." He said quietly. Izzie, Alex and Cristina liked to stay tight lipped about Meredith around Derek, but George was the one who kept him informed. "I think she met someone." _

"_You think?" Derek asked dryly. _

"_She met someone. I think it's getting serious." George corrected. Derek sighed, recognizing the demeanor of someone who was trying to lessen the blow of a painful statement. Tactics Derek himself used on patients were being used to deliver news about Meredith. _

"_George," Derek said, "When did she meet him?" _

"_About six months ago?" _

_Derek sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I should have told her." He said. "I should have told her about Addison. I just, I thought, I was sure she'd be gone if she knew." He finished his drink and looked at George. "Do you think I should fly out there?" he asked. _

_George shook his head. "She asked about you. She's still angry. I think… I think you need to have a little faith, Derek. I think that if it's going to happen, she'll come to you." _

**Present Day**

Derek felt like his head was spinning, and it probably was. He struggled to remember the last time he had slept for more than four hours. He was struggling to remember anything through his drunken haze. He downed his drink and decided that Joe's was spinning, not his head.

Joe's was spinning, but Meredith, hissing urgently into her cell phone in the corner, stood out perfectly clear to Derek. She was the only thing in focus in Derek's vision. The only thing that wasn't spinning. He watched her, sitting by herself at a table in the corner, leaning forward slightly, playing with the end of her ponytail as she talked.

"Liz, you can not let him come here." Meredith said, panicked. "I absolutely can not deal with it." Elizabeth Pierre, Jack's cousin, sighed into her phone. From her table outside at Rouge on Rittenhouse Square, she could see friends, Jack among them, approaching.

"I'll talk to him Mer." She promised, hanging up with a guilty feeling. She wanted to remain friends with Meredith, but there was no talking Jack out of things he wanted.

Meredith hung up feeling uneasy. Jack coming to Seattle would destroy all of the slow progress she had made with Derek. Addison, Izzie and Denny entered the bar, and Meredith rose to join them. She walked past Burke and Derek and forced herself not to look at him. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Burke shooting sidelong glances at Derek as he drank more and more.

"Hey." She said, sitting at the bar. "Addison, can I uh, talk to you?" she asked. Addison nodded and they moved several seats away from Izzie and Denny.

"What is it?"

"Does he always drink that much?"

Addison looked over Meredith's shoulder at Derek and her eyes narrowed. "He's drunk." She said flatly.

Meredith dropped her head into her hands. "I…" she looked up at Addison, her eyes flashing. "No." she said, hopping off the stool. Addison watched, awed as Meredith marched over to Derek, and pulled him out of chair by the wrist. She pulled him outside, and Derek followed, stumbling under her strength.

She opened the door and pulled him outside into the rain. Within seconds, they were both soaked. "How's that for tiny, ineffectual fists?" Meredith demanded. Derek blinked blankly at her. Meredith looked down, her face expressing something that resembled embarrassment. "In the locker room, before we started dating, you said…"

"I remember." Derek interrupted shortly.

"What the hell are you doing?" she demanded, putting both of her hands on his shoulders.

"What the hell do you mean?" he mocked.

"You're drunk, Derek." She said tonelessly.

"Like you've never been there." He said meanly. "I need something, Meredith." He snapped. The harshness in her eyes faded, and before he knew what was happening, her hand drifted from his shoulder to rest gently on his cheek.

"Oh, Derek, I'm so sorry." She whispered. Derek didn't want her to apologize. He didn't want to forgive her, because forgiving her would force him to face everything he couldn't forgive in himself.

She shivered involuntarily against the rain. For the first time, Derek's attention was drawn to her now soaked clothes clinging to her thin frame. His eyes traveled up her body and finally locked with hers. Her hand slid from his cheek back to his shoulder and finally away from him completely as they stared at each other.

He reached for her roughly and pulled her towards him. Meredith yanked his t-shirt out of the waistband of his jeans and slid her hands under the soaked fabric, letting her fingers play across his abdomen.

When they came up for air, their eyes locked again. Derek looked at Meredith's face, taking in her swollen lips and the expression in her eyes. "I have to go." He said. She shook her head.

"Give me your keys."

"Excuse me?"

"You don't have to let me drive you. I'm sure it would be emasculating or something. But you are going to give me your keys." She said. "You're drunk, Derek. I won't let you drive."

"I need to go home." He said through gritted teeth.

"You have friends to drive you." She said breezily. "Call a cab."

"Get out of my way, Meredith."

"Give me your keys Derek." She countered. He shook his head and folded his arms over his chest. She shook her head and, smirking, slid one leg in between both of his. Molding her body to him, and pressing up against him, she reached into his back pockets and fished for his keys.

Derek's breath caught in his throat as her body hit his in a way that caused his jeans to get tighter. She extracted his keys and smirked at him again. "You might want to ask Burke if he'll drive you home." She said, biting her lip to hide a smile as she glanced quickly towards his belt.

Derek thought about calling Burke, but as she disappeared inside, he thought better of it and called Mark. "I need you to pick me up. Now." He told his best friend, knowing he'd never live it down.


	11. Chapter 11

**Title: A Leap Of Faith**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: It would be nice to own grey's anatomy, sadly all we own are a lot of high priced shoes and handbags, and both seasons on dvd.**

**Summary: AU. Meredith leaves Seattle the night that Addison comes. Five years later, she's standing at the back of the church, about to marry another man, when she admits to herself that she's still very much in love with Derek Shepherd. So she heads back to Seattle, and finds a very broken Derek. Will they be able to heal each other, or is it too late?**

**Author's Note: Since our Jillian is supposed to be Rebecca on the show, we're caving and changing her name. This is kind of a less action filled updated, but it's MerDer heavy, especially at the end. **

**REVIEW!**

_Look at what you found,  
I'm falling down. _

**Four Years Ago: Philadelphia**

"_What?" Meredith asked Jack. _

"_What, what?" he asked, smiling. She smiled back and shrugged, looking at him before she answered. They were strolling through Philadelphia, hand in hand. The sun had set, but it wasn't completely dark, and a bright blue had taken over the sky. _

"_You're staring at me." She said. He grinned at her. She smiled back self consciously and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ears. "Seriously…" she said. _

_Jack stopped walking and faced her. "I love you." He said. Her eyes widened, revealing her surprise. She took a deep breath and thought about it. _

"_Do you have a wife?" she asked. _

_Jack burst out laughing. "Are you kidding?" he asked. _

_She eyed him seriously. "Not a joke. If there's anything I should know, like a wife, illegitimate children, or a wife, tell me now." _

"_Meredith, come on. Give me a little credit." _

_A short, bitter laugh escaped her lips before she could stop it. "Jack, it's nothing personal. Just experience." He smiled and cupped her face in his hands. _

"_Meredith Grey." He said. "I know that bad things have happened to you, but… you have to trust me. I love you." In that moment, in the warm twilight of the city, she did trust him. _

"_I love you too." _

**Present Day**

"You did something to my friend last night." Mark said, leaning against the nurse's station. He watched Meredith as she filled out her chart.

"Mark, how Derek's body reacts to me is not my fault." Mark chuckled and looked her over. He could see why Derek hadn't been able to forget her.

"I'm not talking about that, Grey, although I should thank you, because, really, it was the highlight of my week."

"Anytime." She said dryly. "He's not mad at me is he? Because if he's mad at me for not wanting him to jump in the car and kill himself…"

"He's enraged at you." Mark said frankly. "But not for that. You…"

"I broke Derek." She snapped. "I get it. I left, I broke him. Now he's a step away from AA. It's my fault I know."

"Meredith…"

"Well did anyone ever think about me?" she demanded. "You and Addison have to side with him, but even my friends are feeling sorry for him. Because I was living it up in Philadelphia."

"Meredith, seriously…" Mark tried.

"No!" she said loudly. "Derek is not the only one who got broken. Remember Addison? Your wife? Well she used to be his wife. And whoever thought I messed up, that I ran away from my problems obviously doesn't know what it feels like to have your boyfriend's wife introduce herself to you. You want to give me hard time about breaking Derek? Well Derek broke me. So give him an earful." She stopped talking and stared at Mark, her pulse elevated. She spun on her heel and stalked away.

Mark looked at Debbie who sitting, open mouthed at the nurses station looking like Christmas had come early. "Well that didn't go as well I had hoped." He said.

"What didn't?" Derek asked, standing next to him in the spot that Meredith had just occupied. Mark shot him a look and appraised his friend.

"You've bounced back nicely." He said dryly.

"I do what I can." Derek said his tone just as sarcastic. "What didn't go well?" Mark sighed.

"I had a little chat with Meredith." He admitted. "She's pissed at you too, buddy. I've been seeing this from your side. But, Jesus, Der, Addison introduced herself to her as your wife. Is it any wonder she took off?" When Mark met Derek's eyes, they were blazing.

"No, no it's not." He said loudly. "She stayed away for five years! She was about to get married, for Christ's sake."

"Derek, she felt just as hurt as you did."

"You know, you're unbelievable, Mark!" Derek shouted, storming away. Mark sighed and looked back at Debbie, who had abandoned all of her efforts to look like she was actually doing something in favor of just watching and listening.

"That was almost…"

"Worse?" Debbie suggested. Mark nodded at her. "What can you do, Dr. Sloan?" she asked him. Addison's heels announced her coming before she kissed Mark's cheek.

"What can you do about what?" she asked.

Mark turned to her. "You introduced yourself to Grey as Derek's wife? I thought it was heresay."

Addison shrugged. "What can I say? I was a woman on a mission."

Mark grinned and snaked an arm around her waist. "That's hot."


	12. Chapter 12

**Title: A Leap Of Faith**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: It would be nice to own grey's anatomy, sadly all we own are a lot of high priced shoes and handbags, and both seasons on dvd.**

**Summary: AU. Meredith leaves Seattle the night that Addison comes. Five years later, she's standing at the back of the church, about to marry another man, when she admits to herself that she's still very much in love with Derek Shepherd. So she heads back to Seattle, and finds a very broken Derek. Will they be able to heal each other, or is it too late?**

**Author's Note: Yea, lots going on here. Embrace it. Be glad that Mer and Der interact, even though we didn't get all dirty. That'll come later. **

**READER POLL: How shady do we want Jack to be? Arrogant rich jerk shady or arrogant rich jerk who uses his fists shady? Let us know…. **

**REVIEW!**

_Did my heart break enough this time?_

**Four Years Ago: Philadelphia**

_The idea of a Mid summer night's dream party would have been ridiculous to Seattle Meredith. But Philadelphia Meredith, with her high society boyfriend, arrived in a floaty chiffon dress, smiling broadly as she took in the tiny side street, blocked off and decorated. _

_A few hours later, the sun had gone down, and Philadelphia Meredith found her boyfriend on one knee in front of her. "Meredith Grey." He said, "I know you've been hurt badly. And I promise you I won't hurt you." She felt her heart pump faster as he produced a box. "Will you marry me?" he said. _

_She looked around frantically. She was going to say no here, at this party in front of all of their friends. She was going to turn him down. Her eyes fell on the street sign, not prominently displayed, but merely jutting out of a brick wall. Addison Street. _

"

* * *

**Present Day**

"Meredith." Came a familiar voice. Meredith whirled around from the counter where she was pouring milk into her coffee and smiled tentatively. She liked Addison more as she got to know her, but she still proceeded with caution.

"Addison." She said. "Are you on your way to work?" Addison smiled warmly and nodded. She lifted her slim wrist, checking her watch.

"What time do you start? Three?" she asked. "We've got some time. Will you sit with me?"

She nodded and they sat down, smiling at each other awkwardly. "I think we can be friends." Addison said suddenly. "I know you think I'm mad at you, but I'm just not. I never was."

Meredith nodded. "Thank you." She said. She looked up at Addison, smiling sheepishly. "I guess I owe Mark an apology. I sort of flew off the handle at him the other day." She said. "But I get where he's coming from. I mean, you saw Derek, firsthand become this bitter alcoholic, and I was engaged."

Addison took a sip of her coffee and raised an eyebrow. "I've been wondering about that." She admitted. "You love Derek, that's obvious. So why get engaged?"

A defeated laugh came from Meredith's lips. "I almost said no. It was on the tip of my tongue, but I saw something that… it's not important. It just made me think that if you can fall in love with someone in a matter of weeks, and convince yourself that they're the one, and then, all of a sudden they have a wife, you don't know anything." She sighed. "I just figured that true love was an illusion."

Addison frowned. "What changed?"

"Jack did, for one thing. But so did I. I couldn't stop thinking about him, and all the what ifs. And I was standing in the back of the church, and I just couldn't go through with it."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts, and the strange camaraderie that had just developed between them. Addison looked up. "What was it? When he proposed? What made you say yes?"

Meredith hesitated. "He proposed to me on Addison Street." She whispered. Addison's eyes dropped to the table, and when she looked back up, they were shining.

"I'm so sorry." She said. "I came in there, and I didn't want to believe that he could love you. I wanted him to fall down and tell me how much he still loved me. I couldn't get mad at Derek, so I got mad at you."

"Well, we're both far from perfect." Meredith said.

* * *

The conversation with Addison was still on her mind as she wandered down to the tunnels later that night. It was almost eight o'clock, and she had only been there for five hours, but she was already tired. She collapsed onto a gurney with a sense of trepidation in her stomach. She heard footsteps approaching and lifted her head up, hoping against hope to see Cristina.

"You've got to be kidding me." She heard Derek mutter. "You're everywhere, you know that?"

"Oh, I'm sorry." Meredith said sarcastically, sitting up and glaring at him. "I'm all out of sympathy for you, Derek. Get over yourself."

"Get over myself?" he echoed. "You've got a lot of nerve, Mer."

"You don't get to be the only one who's angry, Derek." She spit out. "You're not the only one who got hurt."

"I'm not the one who moved away and got engaged." He fired back, the volume of his voice rising dangerously.

"You didn't have to get engaged! Did you erase the reason I left? You were married! You had a wife! I did what I thought I had to." She ran an angry hand through her hair and yanked the strands together, pulling it into a loose ponytail. She glared at him.

"I was ready to divorce her!" Derek shouted. "I would have given her up for you!"

"It had been three months! I didn't know anything about you! How was I supposed to know you would choose me, Derek? How?" she shouted back. "Why do you get to be angry? I'm angry too, okay? Why am I the only one who has to take it all?"

"Because you ran away!" he exploded. "You didn't stay and fight for us!" She jumped off the gurney and grabbed his lab coat, pulling him towards her. They kissed furiously, but this time, it didn't stop there. Derek's hands were under her scrub top, and she was untying his pants. He lifted her up onto the gurney, and they fit together like five years had never passed.

He was practically running away from her when it was over. She was shocked, and wanted to sit on that gurney for hours, going over ever second in her head until she knew she had it memorized, but her legs pumped and she followed him through the hospital.

"Derek!" she hissed. "Derek please!" By the time they reached the lobby, she was pleading. "Derek, please look at me!" He turned around slowly, anguished and looked her in the eyes. "What does this mean?" she asked him.

"I don't know!" he said roughly.

"Der, you can't do this. You can't kiss me, and lift me up on the gurney and then hate me in the next second." She took a deep breath and steeled herself. "I love you." She said.

His expression softened. "Meredith…" he breathed. She was hopeful, and seizing the moment, reached out and touched his shoulder gently.

"Derek, we can fix this." She murmured. He looked at her, his eyes growing a little lighter, allowing himself to believe they could make it over the hurdle.

"Meredith." Came a strong, angry voice from somewhere behind them. Meredith's hand flew from Derek's shoulder as she spun around.

"Jack." She said, her voice steady, but shocked.

Behind her she felt Derek jerk away from her. "Unbelievable." He muttered, striding away, ignoring her as she called after him.


	13. Chapter 13

**Title: A Leap Of Faith**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: It would be nice to own grey's anatomy, sadly all we own are a lot of high priced shoes and handbags, and both seasons on dvd.**

**Summary: AU. Meredith leaves Seattle the night that Addison comes. Five years later, she's standing at the back of the church, about to marry another man, when she admits to herself that she's still very much in love with Derek Shepherd. So she heads back to Seattle, and finds a very broken Derek. Will they be able to heal each other, or is it too late?**

**Author's Note: Wow. We suck. We've been unbelievably busy with school, work, interning, and of course, a little play time. But rest assured, we're trying super hard to update everything this week. **

**REVIEW!**

_I just want to feel your embrace._

**Four Years Ago: Philadelphia**

"_I need you to tell me what happened in Seattle." Jack said one day, as they sat in a coffee shop in Old City, huddled against the November chill. His face was the picture of concern. _

"_Jack, I can't… I can't talk about Seattle." She said, biting her lip. _

"_Mer, you're going to be my wife. Just tell me." She was silent for a long time, thinking to herself that maybe she was going to be okay. Maybe she could do this, come out of this a stronger person. Fall out of love with Derek. _

"_It all comes back to that. Wife." She said. "I fell in love with someone. And it turns out that he had one." _

_Jack let out a low whistle. "That's why you came to Philly." _

"_That's why I came to Philly. His wife introduced herself to me, and I left the next day." _

"_And you've never looked back?" Jack asked. _

_Meredith forced a tight smile onto her face. "I've never looked back." She lied. _

**Present Day**

Meredith started after Derek, but felt Jack's hand close around her wrist before she could get back inside. "That's him, isn't it?" Jack demanded. "That's the asshole with the wife."

"They're divorced." She said automatically. She wrenched her wrist out of Jack's grasp. "What the hell are you doing here?" she asked, even though she knew full well what he was doing.

His eyes flashed dangerously. "Jesus Christ, Meredith." He shouted. "You left me at the fucking alter!"

"With good reason." She shot back. Jack shot her a murderous glance. Meredith shook her head and turned away, suddenly exhausted. "I have to get back to work." She said. She started to walk away. She winced as he grabbed her upper arm.

"Don't you dare walk away from me." He hissed, tightening his grip on her arm.

"Jack, I'm going to get back to work." She said, trying to sound definite, but it just came out tired. He glared at her and grabbed her other arm just as tightly. "Jack, I'm serious!" she said. "Let me go." He didn't say anything, and he didn't budge. "Jack, that hurts."

"Hey." Came a voice from behind her. "What the hell is going on here?" Jack's hands released her instantly.

"Alex!" he said warmly, extending his hand. Alex ignored him and placed a gentle hand on Meredith's shoulder.

"Mer, we've got surgery." He said. She nodded gratefully and looked at Jack.

"Meredith, we need to discuss this." He said, suddenly rational. She nodded slowly, too overwhelmed to argue with him. "I'll be in town for a few days." He said. "I'll call you, okay?" he asked lightly. She nodded again.

In the elevator ride on the way to the surgical floor, Meredith could feel Alex's eyes on her. "Everything okay?" he asked.

"Fine." She said, straining to keep her tone light.

"Then why are you freaking out?" Alex asked.

Meredith sighed and turned to face him. "My almost husband is here. And I slept with Derek in the tunnels." She admitted.

Alex raised his eyebrows. "Remind me not to sprawl on the gurneys." He said as they stepped off the elevator.

* * *

Several hours later, she was trudging out of the hospital, exhausted. Derek, Jack, surgery. It was all too much. She checked her watch. It was two thirty in the morning, and she felt confident enough to offer a silent thank you to the universe that Jack hadn't called her. She hit the unlock button on her keys, but a movement to her right caught her eyes.

"Derek." She breathed. He said nothing, just stopped moving and looked at her. She was standing under the rainless, cloudless sky. The moon was shining brightly enough to create shadows, and it was chilly.

Meredith shivered in her t-shirt, chastising herself silently for dressing for the eighty degree afternoon, not the sixty degree evening. "I'm sorry, Derek." She whispered. "I didn't know he was coming, I didn't want him here…"

Derek let her talk, his eyes traveling from the hollow expression on her face to her upper arms, where bruises had formed in the distinctive outline of fingers. She saw where his eyes had strayed to, and looked down. "Meredith…." Derek said slowly, something clicking into place in his brain.

"I'm sorry." She whispered again. Derek had nothing to say. There was nothing to keep his thoughts from colliding, his head from spinning, so he closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around her. As the feeling of warmth and safety encircled her, she let herself melt into Derek's embrace. She had no idea how long they stood there, but they both seemed to pull away at the same moment.

"Derek, what is this?" she asked desperately.

He shook his head. "I can't. Not now, not yet." He turned and got in his car, leaving her shivering in the parking lot.


	14. Chapter 14

**Title: A Leap Of Faith**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: It would be nice to own grey's anatomy, sadly all we own are a lot of high priced shoes and handbags, and both seasons on dvd.**

**Summary: AU. Meredith leaves Seattle the night that Addison comes. Five years later, she's standing at the back of the church, about to marry another man, when she admits to herself that she's still very much in love with Derek Shepherd. So she heads back to Seattle, and finds a very broken Derek. Will they be able to heal each other, or is it too late?**

**Author's Note: Okay. We're embarrassed. Nothing has been updated. Things were crazy with finals and holidays and work, but everything has calmed down now, and we're starting to write again, so PLEASE stick with us. **

**REVIEW!**

_I wont turn now from a fight,  
you know I'll never win…_

**Four Years Ago: Seattle**

"_I asked her to marry me." Mark said, sitting down beside Derek. Derek averted his eyes from the ferryboats out on the water and looked at Mark next to him. _

"_About time."_

"_This isn't going to make you hit me?" Mark asked. _

"_I'm not going to hit you." Derek clarified. _

"_Good. Because she said yes. And I don't want to do anything to this face that would show on a wedding photo." Derek laughed in spite of himself. Mark looked at him for a long time. "Did you ever try calling her?" he asked. _

"_What?" Derek asked, his head snapping up. _

"_Calling her. Meredith. Calling her. Explaining yourself? Apologizing?" Derek shook his head. Mark shrugged. "I'm not expert on these things, but it seems like that would be a good place to start." _

"_It's too late." _

"_I just got engaged to your exwife, Der. It's never too late."_

**Present Day**

Jack looked up every time the irritating bell on the door jingled, but she had yet to walk in. He checked his watch impatiently. His best friend and cousin were flying in from Philadelphia tonight to give him some company in this miserable city. He hated Seattle already; convinced it lacked the history and dignity of Philadelphia.

He signaled to the bar tender and another Jack Daniels was placed in front of him. The bell on the door jingled again, and this time, finally, she appeared, with a sophisticated red head and Izzie Duquette.

Meredith walked into Joe's with Izzie and Addison, too tired and confused to contemplate how ridiculous it was to be hanging out with her ex boyfriend's ex wife. They stepped inside the door and Izzie froze. "Mer…" she said, nudging her.

"Shit." Meredith muttered. Addison shot her a confused look. "Jack Pierre." She whispered. Addison raised her eyebrows, but said nothing.

"Do you want to go?" Izzie asked. Meredith looked at him and her eyes narrowed combatively.

"No." she said defiantly. "I won't let him run me out of my own life." She marched to the bar and sat down, several stools away from him. Izzie and Addison followed her, and immediately sat down on either side.

"Tequilla, Joe." Meredith said. "And keep them coming."

Joe looked at her questioningly. Izzie leaned in. "Jilted ex fiancé." She whispered, jerking her head at Jack. Joe looked down the bar and then back at Meredith, before pouring her a double shot.

"What is he still doing here?" Izzie hissed.

"Trying to make me miserable." Meredith whispered. "Look at him. He's trying to kill me by glaring." The bell on the door sounded again, and Derek and Mark walked in. Jack slid off of his stool, and made his way over towards Meredith. Derek held Meredith's glance, both of them seemingly frozen, until Jack made his way into Derek's line of vision.

His eyes narrowed and he spun on his heel and strode back out. Meredith took the shot Joe had placed in front of her, and shot him a look. "I know." Joe said. "Keep them coming." He set to pouring another shot.

Addison dropped her head into her hands as Mark shrugged and sauntered over to them. "I'm getting too old for this." She muttered. Meredith slid off of her stool, her eyes turned towards the door Derek had just walked out of.

Mark shook his head. "Give him a little time." He said. Meredith looked between him and Addison, and realized that she trusted them already. She nodded and sat back on her stool.

"Meredith." Jack said, leaning against the bar next to her stool. She looked away pointedly. "Don't you dare ignore me." Jack hissed dangerously.

"Don't talk to her like that!" Mark, Izzie and Addison snapped in unison. Jack glared at them, and Meredith rolled her eyes.

"You know what, Jack?" she asked. "You want to talk? Fine, talk. Go ahead and yell. Just get it over with. Then you can go back to Philadelphia." Joe put another shot in front of her, and she reached for it immediately. Jack's hands clenched into angry fists.

"I don't think you understand what you did, Meredith." He said. She closed her eyes and looked. When she raised her head, her eyes were open.

"I couldn't marry you." She said softly. "I'm sorry. That I didn't see it until so late."

"Why?" he demanded.

"I don't love you." She whispered.

"You love him." Jack said, jerking his head towards the door Derek had stormed out of. She nodded. "And he can't even look at you. Well, congratulations Mer." Silence fell over them as the look on Meredith's face changed from that of extreme vulnerability to hardened rage.

"Go home Jack." She said, her voice low and deadly.

He smirked at her. "Not without what I came for Meredith." He replied. Jack threw a fifty on the bar and strode out angrily. Meredith looked at her friends and then at Joe.

"Keep them coming. Right." Joe said. Addison massaged her temples and took a long swallow of her gin and tonic.

"I am seriously getting way too old for this." She said.

* * *

Meredith was at the bar until last call, long after Izzie had gone home to Denny and Mark and Addison had disappeared. She left, stumbling slightly, assuring Joe that would call a cab. She let the door slam behind her and moved towards her car on unsteady feet.

She unlocked the Jeep, rationalizing that she had driven drunker than this when she saw Derek leaning against the car, arms folded.

"Hi." She breathed, shocked, the rain picking up and drawing her attention skyward for a moment as she focused on the big, heavy drops that seemed to fall in slow motion.

"Meredith, I…." He trailed off and held out his hand. She dropped her keys into his palm without an argument. He opened her car and she climbed in the passenger side. They drove in silence until Derek cleared his throat. "Did he hit you?"

Meredith shook her head. "Of course not."

"He could though. Meredith, I saw those bruises. They were…" he trailed off as his voice broke slightly. "They were perfect fingerprints."

"Derek, the reason I couldn't walk down the aisle was because the only thing I could hear inside my own head was your voice telling me to take the rest on faith. So I took a leap."

"Meredith…"

"Don't." she said. "I don't care if you're angry or if you cant look at me, or whatever you think is wrong. I'm not going anywhere Derek."

He moved his head in the slightest of nods, and they lapsed back into silence, winding through Seattle.


	15. Chapter 15

**Title: A Leap Of Faith**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: It would be nice to own grey's anatomy, sadly all we own are a lot of high priced shoes and handbags, and both seasons on dvd.**

**Summary: AU. Meredith leaves Seattle the night that Addison comes. Five years later, she's standing at the back of the church, about to marry another man, when she admits to herself that she's still very much in love with Derek Shepherd. So she heads back to Seattle, and finds a very broken Derek. Will they be able to heal each other, or is it too late?**

**Author's Note: Okay. We're embarrassed. Nothing has been updated. Things were crazy with finals and holidays and work, but everything has calmed down now, and we're starting to write again, so PLEASE stick with us and check our new fic, "Let The Angels Committ".**

**REVIEW!**

_You had it in for me so long ago,  
why, I still don't know,  
I don't know why and I don't care..._

**Four Years Ago: Philadelphia**

"Meredith Grey, meet Ryan Pierre, my cousin and Greg Orland, who lived next door to me when were kids and just never went away."

"Hi." Meredith said, smiling shyly. She had never been formally introduced like this before, and didn't know how to act.

"Guys, this is Meredith. Be nice to her. And don't hit on her. She's taken." Jacks said, reaching for her hand. Meredith smiled nervously and averted her eyes.

"Where are you from, Meredith?" Ryan asked smoothly, conversation coming easy to good looking rich men like himself.

"Seattle." She said softly. "I'm from Seattle."

"How'd you end up in our fair city?"

Meredith froze, unsure of herself, but certain that my boyfriend had a wife who looked like Isabella Rosellini was not a good answer. "Change of scenery." She said quickly.

Jack eyed her, but she flashed him a bright smile, trying not to think of Derek.

* * *

**Present Day**

"He hates me." Meredith said, plopping down at a cafeteria table with George and Izzie. "No matter what I do, he looks at me like I'm…" she paused, trying to think of a way to describe the looks Derek shot her.

"His one great love who ran away?" Izzie suggested.

"So not helping." Meredith said dryly.

Izzie shrugged and took a bite of her muffin. "It's how he sees you." She pointed through a mouthful of crumbs.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Thanks Iz. I don't know what to do. I'm willing to jump through his hoops, but…" she was cut off as an obviously fake cough erupting from George's chest. Meredith looked up to see Derek hovering over their table.

"I need assistance on a surgery." He said flatly. "George?"

"I'm assisting Dr. Bailey." George replied with a shrug.

"Izzie?" Derek asked.

"I'm doing a minor procedure on my own." She said lightly.

"Really?" George asked.

Izzie grinned. "Not like it's a big deal or anything…"

Derek cleared his throat impatiently. Meredith looked up, realizing he wasn't even going to ask her, not even as a last resort. "Dr. Shepherd, I can assist you." She mumbled.

"Fantastic." Derek muttered. He sighed and checked his watch. "OR two. Twenty minutes. Don't be late." He said briskly, striding away.

George smiled at Meredith helpfully. "See? He doesn't hate you. If he did, he would have tracked down Alex."

"You guys suck." Meredith said, standing up and leaving the table. George frowned after her as she hurried away.

"I was being serious." He said.

* * *

Meredith scrubbed in quickly, with butterflies in her stomach. She hated being so jumpy around him, but the waiting and insecurity rendered her nervous and his constant cold stare didn't help. "You're early." He said icily, entering the room and beginning to lather his own hands.

"I would hate to keep you waiting." She said, unable to keep the slightest edge from creeping into her voice.

"Patient's name is Greg Orland." Derek snapped. "His head hit the windshield in a car crash and apparently his brain is a mess. Ambulance is five out."

"Greg Orland?" Meredith echoed.

"Were you not listening?" Derek asked, a belligerent tone to his voice.

"Shit." Meredith muttered. "I know him."

"Someone you slept with?" Derek asked, unable to stop himself. Meredith looked up at him, her face equal parts hurt and anger. "Meredith…" Derek said slowly. One of the scrub nurses tapped on the window, signaling the patient's arrival and cutting him off. Meredith strode around Derek and into the OR.

"Jesus." She muttered, staring at Greg. She had never really liked him, but Derek had gotten one thing right. His brain was a mess.

"Who is he?" Derek asked, stepping into place at the table.

"Jack's best friend." She murmured.

"Is that why he's in the gallery?" Derek asked, struggling to keep his voice even.

Meredith's head snapped up to where Jack and Ryan Pierre sat in the gallery, accompanied by Chief Webber. They both looked shaken. Meredith locked eyes with Jack and gave him a slight nod. When she turned her gaze back to Derek, he had started operating.

* * *

"Shit." Derek muttered. It was two days later after they had operated on Greg.

"Derek…"Meredith said.

"I know." He snapped. "Still not showing any responses. And he should be. That was a solid surgery."

"It was flawless." Meredith breathed, still awed at his commanding performance in the OR two days ago.

"So why the hell is my patient essentially comatose?"

"He's unresponsive, not comatose, Der. He could wake up tomorrow and be fine."

He opened his mouth to say something, his eyes softening just a bit as he looked at her, but their pagers interrupted him. "It's from Richard." Derek said. "His office."

Meredith nodded. "Mine too." Derek looked at her questioningly, and she followed him through the halls, neither speaking. When they reached Richard's office, they were greeted by their chief of surgery and Jack and Ryan Pierre.

"How's he doing?" Ryan asked, as Jack looked at Meredith.

Derek sighed. "He's still unresponsive."

"So he's in a coma?" Jack demanded.

"We won't declare it a come yet. He's not showing all the signs of a comatose patient, he's just, at this point, still unresponsive." Derek said.

"Well what the fuck did you get wrong?" Jack shouted.

Meredith stepped forward from her position slightly behind Derek. "Jack, shut up." Meredith said through gritted teeth. "Derek couldn't have performed better in the OR. Greg's surgery was as good as it could have gotten."

Jack shook his head and turned to Richard. "Dr. Webber, this is bullshit. They did something wrong. You'll be hearing from my lawyer." He said, storming out with Ryan in tow.

Derek turned to Meredith, not bothering to cover up his disdain. "You were engaged to that asshole." He said in disbelief.

Dr. Webber cleared his throat. "Sit down." He commanded. Derek and Meredith both automatically took places in the chairs in front of his desk. "I've been looking at Greg Orland's charts. Doing a little research. This type of unresponsiveness is consistent with brain wall weakness, like the kind that would result from, say, a nick from a scalpel. I'm not accusing anyone. But Pierre's lawyers could do serious damage to the reputation of my hospital, and I need you to tell me exactly what happened in the OR, Derek."

Derek stared at him, open mouthed. "Chief, the surgery went fine. There were no problems, no complications. I have no idea…" he struggled for more words, but resigned himself to silence.

Richard nodded. "You have interviews with our lawyers tomorrow. Be prepared. And be honest."


	16. Chapter 16

**Title: A Leap Of Faith**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: It would be nice to own grey's anatomy, sadly all we own are a lot of high priced shoes and handbags, and both seasons on dvd.**

**Summary: AU. Meredith leaves Seattle the night that Addison comes. Five years later, she's standing at the back of the church, about to marry another man, when she admits to herself that she's still very much in love with Derek Shepherd. So she heads back to Seattle, and finds a very broken Derek. Will they be able to heal each other, or is it too late?**

**Author's Note: Okay. We're slowly but surely getting back in the game. And we're super proud of this chapter, because we finally gave our girl a spine.**

**REVIEW!**

_You tell 'em, that's just my battle scar._

**Four Years Ago: Seattle**

"That was close, Der." Mark said. Derek closed his eyes. It felt like they were lined with sandpaper.

"I know." He said, taking a long swallow of his scotch. "Fuck, Mark, I almost killed her."

"What the hell happened?" Mark asked, even though they both knew the answer. Derek shrugged, unable to admit to himself what he and his best friend already knew. He had gotten dizzy because he was arrogant enough to go into surgery hung over.

"I almost killed my patient." Derek said again.

"You didn't, though." Mark said. "That's the important part."

**Present Day**

Richard looked up as his door opened and Meredith Grey's head popped around the corner. "Hey Chief." She said.

"Meredith, what can I do for you?" he asked. She sat down and folded her hands in her lap, looking nervous. She leaned forward in her seat.

"It was me." She finally blurted out. "Greg Orland's surgery. I nicked the wall of his brain when Derek let me shift an artery."

"And you're sure?"

"Absolutely, chief." Richard looked at her for a long time and nodded. He reached out and pressed his intercom button and connected to Patricia. "Page Derek Shepherd." He said.

* * *

"Am I being an idiot?" Derek asked Mark as they sipped coffee in the gallery.

Mark arched an eyebrow. "There's a loaded question." He quipped.

"I'm serious." Derek said. "Do I have a right to be this furious at her, or is it completely unjustified?"

Mark hesitated. "Truth?" he asked. Derek nodded. "She's not the only one who made mistakes. There was a reason she hightailed it across the country."

"She got engaged!" Derek snapped automatically.

"You were married." Mark said calmly. Derek heaved a sighed and stared silently at Addison in the OR for a few minutes.

"I haven't forgiven her yet." He said quietly. Mark paused, choosing his words carefully, but Derek's pager cut him off. "It's the chief." Derek said, checking it. He got up and left wordlessly. When he reached Richard's office, he saw Meredith already sitting there.

"So you're taking full responsibility for Greg's condition?" Richard asked.

"I am Chief." She said. "It was my fault."

"What?" Derek exploded from the doorway. She turned and fixed him with a pointed look.

"Meredith just told me what happened." Dr. Webber said. Derek crossed his office in two steps and pulled Meredith up from her chair.

"We need a moment." He said to Richard as he marched her out of the office. "What the hell are you doing?" he hissed at her in the hallway.

"Listen to me." She said. "Don't think this isn't personal. Jack hates you. I…I left him because I'm still in love with you, Derek. He's going after you to get back at me, and to hurt you, and I won't let, I can't let him ruin your career."

"So you'll put yours on the line?"

She looked him square in the eye. "If he knows it was me, he might drop the suit."

"Might." Derek said forcefully. "No guarantee."

"I got myself into this!" she cried. "I won't drag you down with me."

Derek grabbed her upper arms and looked down at her. "Meredith…." He said, trailing off.

"What?" she challenged.

He shook his head. "No. No, I can't let you do this." He released his grip, turned on his heel and burst into the chief's office. "She's lying." He announced.

"He's just covering for me." Meredith said, right behind him. "I nicked the brain wall."

Derek shook his head. "She didn't."

Richard eyed them both, then shook his head. "You two are grown doctors. Surgeons. Stop acting like children in the sandbox and tell me what happened."

"It was my fault." Meredith blurted out. "Derek didn't do anything wrong."

"I didn't." Derek confirmed. "It was a textbook procedure. But she's lying about nicking the brain wall. I never stopped watching her when she was holding the scalpel. Ask the scrub nurses if you think I'm covering for her."

"Meredith?" Richard asked.

She turned to Derek. "Let me do this." She said. "You were the attending surgeon. You'll take the fall for this if I don't. Jack will do everything he can to end your career."

The chief put his hands in the air, interrupting. "It will fall on your shoulders, Derek, but Meredith, you know I can't let you lie." A knock came on the door, and Patricia poked her head around the corner.

"Sorry to interrupt," she said in a tone that conveyed she had been eavesdropping, "But these just came from Jack's Pierre's legal team." She handed a large manilla envelope to Derek. He opened it with questioning eyes.

"They talked to the scrub nurses," he said slowly as he read. "And they got my medical license suspended pending a trial for medical malpractice."

"So tell them it was me!" Meredith pleaded. Derek turned and looked at her, their eyes locking, momentarily causing them to forget that Richard and Patricia were in the room.

"I won't do that." Derek said finally. Meredith shook her head and left abruptly. She was in the middle of her shift, but she stormed into the locker room, blinded by rage. She dug her cell phone out of her bag and dialed the familiar number.

"Jack?" she said, struggling to keep her tone even and engaging. "Will you meet me at Joe's? I want to talk."

* * *

Mark cancelled his last surgery and took Derek to Joe's. They settled into a hidden corner booth and started drinking. "You'll fight it and win." Mark told him. "If you didn't fuck up, and I know you didn't, you'll win."

"They'll bring up that time a couple of years ago. That I got dizzy and slipped. It won't look good, Mark. She almost died."

"Derek." Mark said strongly. "You will beat this." Derek opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by another set of voices in the empty bar.

"Hey, Mer." Came a vaguely familiar male voice. "You finally see it my way?" For a horrifying instant, Mark thought they were about to witness a reunion, but the next sound that followed was the distinct sound of a slap.

"You son of a bitch!" Meredith yelled.

"What the fuck Meredith?" Jack demanded, reaching up to touch his stinging cheek.

"You're pathetic!" she shouted. "God, I can't even look at you! This lawsuit is bullshit and you know it."

"Greg's in a coma." Jack spit out.

"And that's not Derek's fault! This isn't about Greg. You're just using that as an excuse. It's about punishing Derek, because he's the reason I never loved you! Let's face it Jack, I would rather chase him than marry you!"

Jack smiled meanly. "Will you still love him when he can't practice medicine?"

"I will never let that happen." Meredith said.

"Please." Jack said, scoffing. "My lawyers are the best. That asshole will never hold a scalpel again." Meredith's hand hit her palm as a strangled cry of annoyance left her lips.

"You're pitiful Jack!" she screamed. "You can't do anything for yourself. All you can do is hid behind your Dad's money. Derek is everything you'll never be. You're weak, you know that?" She was cut off her by the back of his hand slamming into her face. His hands closed around her arms and slammed her into the bar. Meredith looked around frantically, but the bar was vacant and Joe was nowhere to be seen.

"Get off of me!" she cried, struggling against him.

"Shit." Derek muttered, standing so fast, his chair hit the floor. He crossed the bar in seconds, and yanked Jack away from Meredith. He was pulling back his arm to get in a good punch, when Mark stopped him.

"Law suit, Derek." He said, sidestepping his friend, and hitting Jack in the face. "I'll do it." Jack backed towards the door, grinning and wiping blood from his nose.

"This is what you left me for?" he asked. "A weak, alcoholic doctor who can't even defend you?"

"Fuck you." Meredith said, her voice shaking.

Jack laughed bitterly. "Good luck, doll face." He said, leaving. Derek's eyes trained to Meredith's cheek, where a bruise was forming.

"He hit you, didn't he?" Derek asked. Meredith looked down. Derek turned and left Joe's, practically ripping the door off it's hinges in pursuit of Jack. He caught up with him and slammed him against his rental car so hard the alarm went off.

"Lay a hand on her again, and so help me God, I will kill you myself." He growled.

Jack smirked. "Not really in a position to make threats are you doc?" he asked mockingly. Derek was about to snap when he heard his name being called from somewhere near the entrance to Joe's. He turned and saw Meredith, her hair blowing in the pre storm wind.

Derek released Jack and took a step towards her, and then another, until he reached her. He captured her lips in his easily, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. Jack got in his car and tore out of the parking lot.

"You'll get yours, bitch." He muttered to himself.


	17. Chapter 17

Title: A Leap Of Faith

**Title: A Leap Of Faith**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: It would be nice to own grey's anatomy, sadly all we own are a lot of high priced shoes and handbags, and both seasons on dvd.**

**Summary: AU. Meredith leaves Seattle the night that Addison comes. Five years later, she's standing at the back of the church, about to marry another man, when she admits to herself that she's still very much in love with Derek Shepherd. So she heads back to Seattle, and finds a very broken Derek. Will they be able to heal each other, or is it too late?**

**Author's Note: Okay. We're slowly but surely getting back in the game. And we're super proud of this chapter, because we finally gave our girl a spine.**

**REVIEW!**

_Have a little faith in me._

**Four Years Ago: Philadelphia**

Meredith felt like she was twenty three. It was an odd feeling, to be around people your own age, and feel so young, but Meredith felt distinctly like she had gone back in time. She clutched Liz Pierre's hand in her own as they stumbled out of Rouge. She looked over her shoulder at Jack and Greg as they followed the girls.

Somewhere in her incredibly wasted state, she noticed that Greg and Jack were acting odd. They were both talking enthusiastically to each other, each gesturing wildly, neither seeming concerned with what the other was saying. Greg's jaw seemed to be constantly clenching and unclenching. He and Meredith made eye contact, and he looked away, wiping his noise hastily.

**Present Day**

Derek pulled away and stared at her. The dramatic sky behind her, with its dark clouds, threatening to storm, seemed to emulate everything that was Meredith. Her hair blew in the wind, and her eyes were darkened, her lips swollen. "I love you." He said.

Her world stopped, and seemed to right itself on its axis. She raised her lips to him and kissed him again, hard. Mark stood at the door to Joe's, watching with a smile on his face that he couldn't wipe off. Suddenly, Meredith pulled away. She grabbed Derek's hand and held them in hers. "I've got it." She breathed.

Derek grinned. "Got what? Me?"

She smiled up at him adoringly and kissed him again. "I've got the answer." She said. "I just need to prove it, and I think I can." Derek eyed her questioningly, and she checked her watch. "I need to go." She said.

"You're joking." Derek said, dumbfounded. "Meredith, this is happening right now. Here. And it's us." He said.

She reached up and put her hands on his cheeks. "You need to trust me." She whispered. She kissed him one last time, then ran for her car.

"I love you too!" she called, before she jumped in and sped off.

"I know you love her," Mark said, sauntering towards Derek, "But she's batshit crazy." Derek smiled, almost proudly, and nodded.

* * *

Meredith practically jumped off the plane the second it hit the tarmac. She jumped in a cab at the Philadelphia airport and directed it to Jack's apartment. She fidgeted in her seat as the taxi weaved in and out of the traffic towards center city.

"Are you new to the city?" Her cab driver asked. Meredith looked at him in the rearview mirror and shook her head.

"No." she said. "I used to live here. I'm just taking care of some business." Her driver studied her and frowned.

"This is not happy business, is it?" he asked. Meredith shook her head.

"No." she said. "It's everything. I need to get what I came for and go home."

"Where is home?" he asked.

Meredith smiled as Derek's words echoed in her ears. _I love you._ "Seattle." She said. "Home is Seattle."

When the cab finally stopped in front of Jack's building, where he paid a ludicrous amount of money in rent each month, she paid the driver quickly and jumped out of the cab. "Thank you." She said.

"I hope you return to Seattle quickly and safely." He offered. She slammed the door shut and smiled, turning to the apartment, with an apprehension forming in her stomach.

"So do I." she muttered.

Stepping into Jack's apartment sent a shiver down her spine. It was eerie, to be there, alone, now that she was so far removed from Jack. She had felt comfortable there once, or at least she had convinced herself it was comfort. Now she felt like an intruder, like she was doing something wrong. She pocketed the key Jack had given to her what felt like lifetimes ago, and started looking for what she needed to save Derek's career.

She walked the two blocks to Greg's apartment and let herself in with Jack's keys. Her hands were shaking as she fit the key into the lock. If she was right, she had not only saved Derek's career, but she had a way to keep Jack out of her life forever. If she was wrong, she had no other answers.

Greg's apartment was meticulously clean; the work of his cleaning lady, Meredith was sure. She got to work quickly, digging in all of the usual places. When she had opened every drawer, and found nothing, she forced herself to think. She checked under the mattress, in the refrigerator. Still nothing.

* * *

"You punched him?" Addison clarified, after almost choking on her Tanqueray and tonic. She turned to Mark and eyed him. "You _punched_ him?"

Mark shrugged. "It would have been worse if Derek punched him."

"Why did anyone need to punch him?" She asked, brushing hair out of her face. She was sitting at Joe's with Mark and Derek, who looked absolutely bewildered.

"He _hit_ Meredith." Derek said, his fist clenching involuntarily.

"And you didn't want her to get pummeled?" Addison asked carefully, only half joking.

"He loves her." Mark chimed in proudly. "He told her. I saw it."

Addison grinned and sipped her drink. She reached over and gripped Derek's shoulder briefly. "Well it's about time." She said. "Where is she now?"

Derek's smile faltered a little. "I don't know." He said, rubbing his chin.

"You don't know?"

"She said she figured something out, and she had to go. She told me to trust her." He said, sounding anxious, and maybe a little defeated.

Addison nodded. "So trust her." She said without hesitation. "Trust her."

* * *

Meredith was about to give up. She had been through Greg's apartment and found nothing. She stamped her foot in a childish act of frustration, and was reminded of the way she did that as a child, and every time, her mother would take her shoes off, leaving her with nothing to stamp. She smiled sadly as she slipped out of her flat, and then wiggled her toes back into them.

It hit her suddenly, like she had stepped into a cold shower. She was in Greg's closet in seconds, and she dug out three pairs of leather Gucci loafers. Inside the shoes were plastic baggies, filled with cocaine. She sighed in relief, thankful she had listened to Greg and Jack's drunken grandstanding, that had one night led to an in depth conversation on hiding places.

Her plan was to go home as soon as she found it, because somehow, she knew it would be there. But now there was something else she knew was there. She walked back to Jack's apartment slowly, and opened the drawer of his nightstand, and from the piece of wood she could lift up, removed another plastic bag full of white powder. A sigh escaped her lips and she sat on his bed, the one she had spent all those nights in, and put the past to rest.


	18. Chapter 18

Title: A Leap Of Faith

**Title: A Leap Of Faith**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: It would be nice to own grey's anatomy, sadly all we own are a lot of high priced shoes and handbags, and both seasons on dvd.**

**Summary: AU. Meredith leaves Seattle the night that Addison comes. Five years later, she's standing at the back of the church, about to marry another man, when she admits to herself that she's still very much in love with Derek Shepherd. So she heads back to Seattle, and finds a very broken Derek. Will they be able to heal each other, or is it too late?**

**Author's Note: Okay. We're slowly but surely getting back in the game. We hate this chapter, but obviously, it's been awhile since we've written. We're trying to update 3 stories a day, including our SVU stories.**

**REVIEW!**

_I could swallow my doubt, turn it inside out,  
and find nothing but faith in nothing. _

**Three Days Later**

She should have turned around and gone right back to Seattle, but she didn't. There was something keeping her in Philadelphia. She wanted to know exactly what she was going to do with this information before she went home. And there was someone she needed to see. After copying the hard drive from Jack's laptop, she called Liz.

An hour later, they were sitting outside at Mixto, the Colombian Cuban restaurant they had practically lived in, sipping margaritas. "I won't beat around the bush." Meredith said. She slid a photo across the table, revealing the cocaine in Jack's nightstand. "All this time and I didn't see it." She said.

Liz closed her eyes. "Shit." She said.

"But you did."

"He's my cousin, Meredith. What did you expect me to do?"

Meredith shook her head. "I'm not blaming you, Liz." She said. "You were a good friend to me. I just want to let you know what they're doing." Liz looked down and sipped her drink, refusing to meet Meredith's eyes. Meredith smiled sadly. "But you knew that too."

"I'm sorry." Liz offered.

Meredith stood up and tossed a few bills on the table. "It ends here." She said.

* * *

Across the country, Derek was sitting around, trying to fill the hours. He was unable to work, due to his pending lawsuit. Meredith was still gone. He had no idea where she was or what she was doing. And the more he sat around with nothing but his thoughts to distract him, the angrier he got about her disappearance.

After Cristina and Burke finished working, he sat with them at Joe's. "Where the fuck did she go?" he demanded as Cristina sat down. "I told her I _loved_ her, and she just left town."

Cristina rolled her eyes. "You need to calm down, McDreamy." She said. "It's not like she's going to stay."

"Because she has such a stellar record." Derek said bitingly.

Cristina's eyes narrowed. "I know this might be hard for you to wrap your narcissistic brain around, but this is not all about you. Do you not think she might want to find a way to keep Jack out of her life as well as try to prove she's good enough for you by saving your career?"

"Prove she's good enough?" Derek echoed. He looked at Burke who raised his hands and shook his head.

Cristina laughed and then started speaking to him very slowly, as if he were a child. "She thought she wasn't good enough for you the second your gorgeous, runway worthy secret wife showed up."

Derek massaged his temples with his hands. "This is so messy." He said. "So complicated. Maybe I should just…"

"Just what?" Cristina asked threateningly.

"Uh, Shepherd?" Burke asked, gesturing towards the door. Jack Pierre and his lawyer were hulking in the doorway. Jack spotted Derek and strode over to their table.

"What the hell does this bitch want?" he asked. Derek looked ready to kill him, so Burke rose to his feet, taking action.

"If that's a horribly offensive name for Dr. Grey, I have no idea."

"She wanted us to meet here." Burke's face didn't register surprise, but Cristina's eyebrows shot to the ceiling.

"Then I suggest you have a seat, and be civil towards us until she arrives." Burke said calmly. Derek's eyes trained on Jack as he sat, but refocused on the door seconds later. Meredith bounded in, beaming. She looked disheveled and maybe a little tired, but she was radiant.

She strode over to their table with a confidence she hadn't had in a long time. "The chief is checking on this now," she said easily, "But it's cocaine use that weakened the walls of Greg's brain."

Jack laughed out loud. "That's preposterous." He sputtered.

"Is it, Jack?" she asked dangerously. Reaching into her bag, she tossed the photos on the table. "You can keep those. I made copies."

"This is from inside my apartment. That's breaking and entering, these don't mean shit." Jack said, panicked.

"Jack, stop talking." His lawyer hissed.

"Actually, they do mean shit. I used my key, Jack. But thanks for admitting in front of all these people these photos were taken in your apartment. The second three are from Greg's though." She supplied helpfully. "I've also got a copy of your computer's hard drive." Jack's faced paled visibly.

"Fuck you, Meredith." He spit out.

"We'll treat Greg best we can. Dropping the suit against Derek is in your own best interests." Jack looked towards his lawyer who gave him a slight nod.

"That's it?" Jack asked. "That's all you want?"

"When Greg is stable, I want you to get the hell out of here. And you will leave me and everyone here alone, or I will use this information." She said calmly. Jack stood up and took a threatening step towards her.

"Yea, okay." He said. "For now. But Meredith? No one does this to me, you hear that? No one. And so help me God, I'll bring you down. When you're not expecting me, I'll kill him, and I'll take you down with him."

"Can you ask your client to stop threatening me?" Meredith called after Jack's lawyer as he tugged Jack out of the bar. The second the door closed, her knees buckled.


	19. Chapter 19

**Title: A Leap Of Faith**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: It would be nice to own grey's anatomy, sadly all we own are a lot of high priced shoes and handbags, and both seasons on dvd.**

**Summary: AU. Meredith leaves Seattle the night that Addison comes. Five years later, she's standing at the back of the church, about to marry another man, when she admits to herself that she's still very much in love with Derek Shepherd. So she heads back to Seattle, and finds a very broken Derek. Will they be able to heal each other, or is it too late?**

**Author's Note: Okay. We're slowly but surely getting back in the game. We're trying really, really hard to be consistent and should everything updated shortly.**

**REVIEW!**

Arms caught her and hands turned her around. Before she knew what was happening lips were on hers. Derek. Her hand curled itself in the curls at the nape of his neck as they kissed. A loud and obvious cough errupted from Cristina, breaking them apart.

"I'm so sorry." He breathed against her lips, not daring to put an inch between them. "I never should have let you leave." She pressed her lips against his mouth, his lips parting to deepen the kiss.

"Oh for God's sake." Cristina said. "Come on, Mer, spare us. Seriously." A giggle escaped Meredith's lips and she looked at Derek for a long time, a certain sparkle in her eyes.

"I have an idea." she said, grabbing his hand. "Come on." She led him to the parking lot and into the passengar seat of her Jeep. Keys met ignition and she started driving.

"Are you kidnapping me?" Derek asked. "Because I'm very busy and important. Don't think people won't come looking." He looked outside, and his eyes flickered in recognition. There were only a few places they could be heading. "Are we going to my trailer?" he asked. "Or Canada?"

"The trailer." Meredith said lightly. "You're moving."

"I'm moving?" Derek asked. "To Canada?"

"Yes, Derek, I heard Vancouver was balmly this time of year. Not to Canada, you ass. In with me," His head snapped towards her, his eyes wide. "Unless you don't want to." she stammered, now uncertain. "You don't have to, I know it's soon, I just thought that maybe, for now, it might be..." she trailed off, turning her attention back to the road and merging.

"I'd love to."

* * *

"Who does she fucking think she is?" Jack asked, slamming a hand into his fist. "Did she go braindead in Seattle? Did she forget who she's dealing with?" Ryan raised an eyebrow at his friend and shrugged.

"Jack, maybe this is for the best. Maybe we should just go back to Philadelphia and move on with our lives, you know? She's got pictures of the drugs. Maybe it's best if we don't fuck with that."

"Are you listening to yourself Ryan? Are you at all hearing the words you are speaking to me?" Jack demanded. "You want me to slink home, defeated, by some bitch who left me at the alter?"

Ryan sighed, rubbed a hand over his face and sat down in Jack's hotel room, thinking. "I don't think she's worth it, man."

Jack paced the length of the room a few times and then sat down opposite his friend. "No, I think she is. Come on Ryan, you used to love to bring about a downfall."

"And how are you going to do that Jack? Really?"

"Watch and learn, Ry. Get comfortable. We might be here for a little while."

* * *

"Now what?" Derek asked Meredith as he shut the drawer he had been piling shirts into.

"I have absolutely no idea." She said from her position cross legged on her bed, watching him. She fiddled with the strands of her hair that had fallen loose from her ponytail. "I'm sorry." She said suddenly. "That I left. Both times. All times. And that I engaged. To Jack. And what he did."

"You're dangerously close to a full fledged ramble." Derek pointed out, smiling.

"I'm nervous." She admitted. "Here we are again."

"Only this time we seemed to have skipped dating and just moved in together." Derek said. "Should I skip proposing and just take you to a wedding one day?" Meredith looked at him, surprise and fear in her eyes. "I'm not trying to push you." Derek said quickly.

"This is just all happening so fast."

"It's been five years in the making." Derek said, sitting on the bed next to her. He pressed his lips against her neck. "And I missed you." Meredith reached over and turned out the lights.

"Not as much as I missed you." She whispered, pulling him on top of her in the darkness.


End file.
